Nick... You asked for help from people on the board. PLease listen to them. You ahve some amazing advise here...you just need to hear and listen to it!!!
I also noticed some contradictions but can't figure out the whole quote thing
But you say that you forgive her for the affair but it is blatently obvious to me that you haven't. You can not old onto this anger and still detach...and detach you must.
Again...I am only adding one person's opinion here but...after my 1st husband hurt me for the 1st time...I told him the same thing...that I understood why he did it, totally forgave him, deserved it...
I understadn rage can be addicting to and it is especially so when you 1st allow yourself to feel it. Just becasue you only did it once doesn't make it excusable...at all...EVER. I am sorry if you feel I am being harsh here and le me tell you...I have felt that rage and wanted to punch windows out or smack my ex...but what you did was horrid and it should crush you that you can physically hurt your wife, call her a selfish cow and still proclaim your love.
You need to work on your rage and diverting your anger into something constructive...find a release, run or write or sing or something but what you are doing is abusive, physically, verbally and emotionally. You can not MAKE your wife come home. You might need to declare bankruptcy again...you can't make someone hold your hand and find love again.
Stop trying to control her. You can't. You are only successful in making yourself more ugly and distasteful to her.
