she's left my life has ended

[nickfromtheuk]

AH, Lissett, Jeanette,

I really wish I could just let her go down hill and let her choose poverty for herself but its not just her its my son who she wants to take with her and us (me and the other 2 children) left at the family home that will also be subjected to a life of poverty. I had to go bankrupt when i was 22 or 23 and it followed me around for 10 years. I could not even open a bank account. I cannot go there again and I will not subject my kids to that but there is no other choice ohter than for her to come home.

I really really do wish she could just go and do what she wants to do and of course she does not want to come home. I said to her that because we have no other choice she needs to deal with the built up anger and resentment so she can find happiness in our marraige. If she is stuck in our house for the next 10 years whilst we clear off our depts and guide our children into adult life then she has to find a way to happiness.

I really wish things were different but they are not. I dont want her home if she doesn't want to be hear. I'm not doing this to keep hold of her. I understand she is on a journey and she needs to complete it. I've had 8 months of crap and as I'm writing now i'm starting to cry again. I cant cope with the hostility she has put me through. She was cheating on me and that wasn't enough to punish me for my supposed crimes of making her unhappy she had to treat me like crap as well. She has spent the last 8 months ignoring me and reducing me to what feels like a mere shell of what I was before. She has sucked so much joy from me in the last 8 months I sometimes wonder if there is anything left to give her. And all the while nick the gentleman who annoys her because i'm so reasonable and makes her sad because of what she is doing to me. Silly me perhaps I should just disappear into thin air and she can mope around in silence. She has spent the last 8 months making me feel useless, ugly, fat and inadequate and like an idiot I still love her just as much.

So i'm stuck. She has to come back but she's not willing to find some happiness. It doesn't matter what I say, as far as she is concerned I just want to control her but I haven;t done anything to warrant her feeling that. She probably thinks my reasonableness is a way of controlling her not me being a loving husband and wonderful caring person.

So there is my problem. She knows she has to come back and today was the first time in 8 months that I dared to tell her what she had to do as up to now I have given her free reign to make mistakes and I am only doing this for the kids. I finally told her what a self centered selfish woman she had become and that when you have kids you put there happiness first.

So hare we are. She does not want to come home as she says I DO NOT LOVE YOU AND I DONT KNOW HOW THE LOVE CAN COME BACK. And she says I am not going to work on our marriage not even for the children. What a selfish cow. But I still love her an no one else is a allowed to bad mouth her.

How am I going to DB. I'm going to be a gentle as I can regarding trying to get her to reconnect with me and we will probably have to go slowly but we have no choice. Its either that or living in misery until the depts and the kids are gone.

How am I going to go forward. I'm back to the original situation except now the affair's been exposed and she will be back home soon moping about refusing to get help for her depression of go to a counselor. She wants to be miserable.

What do I d next. How do I proceed. Help cause I'm stuck with her and I need to help steer her out of this mess.

Nick