Well... I just ad to come here because Lissie said you were awesome and I am stalking her!!!!

So, Nick...I am just adding to what everyone else has said...you need to really step out of the situation. You are in wayyyyyyyyyy too deep right now. You need to let her figure things out on her own. You can't spoon the answers to her. If you do, she won't learn the lesson she is supposed to and then you will have to go through it all again. Let her learn the lesson.

Now...we all have backslid and said things we regret and I know you say tat you have never touched your wife in anger before HOWEVER....yo uneed to remove yourself if you feel this happening again. I know you feel sorry and I kno w that you have apologized. I am not suggesting that you are an abusive husband HOWEVER after having wroked inthe field for some time I am letting you know that by trying to exert your power and control over her you are driving her further and further away. Letting her know that you are stronger than her and wil go to the ends of the earth to get what you want form her is not a good thing. Having been in an abusive marriage, I will tel lyo uthat I would agree to forgive you whatever you did becasue I learned before that you would smack me around if I didn't tell you what you wanted.

Be careful of the messages you are sending your wife.

Also...the obsession with finding the OM...I was fortunate enough to have met the OW and had her at my house etc....knowing who it is doesn;t make it any easier. He is probably ugly and stupid and smarmy and gross and you will wonder what the crap he has that you don't. The answer is...nothing. They have nothing to do with you...they are not competition for you...they are like a different outfit. W2S has suggested (on someone's thread) to treat them as an inanimate object...they are a book or a hat or a drug that they feel they need. Doesn't relate to you (but I do know how hard it is not to compare)

Figure out what you are going to do for YOU...not your marriage...not your wife...but YOU. The crazy thing is...doing things for yourself makes you feel better and that in turn opens you up for positive changes in your marriage...kind of the circle of life sort of thing!!!

It gets better...for real...my life is better by a billion times than around this time last year. If we limit our potential to our own imagination we miss out on an infinate other number of possibilities...give it up to a higher power and start finding small belssing to focus on then bigger ones will appear.