she's left my life has ended

[brueniap]

Hey Nick -
You probably haven't seen any of my posts but I felt compelled to write so I could say "STOP IT"! You have to stop it. You are way too soon in all this happening for you to be getting excited about baby steps. Do you see the way you, yourself, have been dealing with stuff? You have never acted like this before either. That alone should tell you that any one of us can change on a dime. And there is always some provocation for us doing the things we do...........and that includes your wife. If you ever want to hear what she is really feeling and what got her to this place..........you have to leave her alone...........and........you need to learn to be kind - no matter how hurt you are.

You will find, as time goes by.......how many different areas of your own life need changing. It was a great eye opener for me. I have been a born-again Christian since age 20.......I am now 54. Nothing has shaped my life as much as the last year. Honestly?????? It's been the best thing I have ever gone thru. I am a new person..........a much stronger person..........a less nagging person......in fact a NON nagging person. I have learned how to reach out and hold the hand of God and KNOW He will guide each step of each day if I let him.

You made a comment (which I know you didn't mean - you were all caught up in the moment) - that you wish you weren't a born again Christian so you could end this miserable life and be done with it.

I will say that you will find that God wants your whole heart. And.........if you allow it........He will have it because you will learn now how to give it to him completely. It is the only way to get thru.......and it is the best way. You will make it thru just fine.

As for your wife.......honestly?????? She sounds pretty sweet and the one who has been acting ugly is you. Now I know you have been terribly crushed.........but if you can stop and breathe and try to see beyond this - you'll see that they do have a "side" of the story which is legitimate. It's not that they had a right to have an affair since they were unhappy......but it is what happened and now you have to learn how to go on from there. Badgering her over and over again about who it is is not going to help your situation at all.

Tonite......when you go to bed........and your mind is making you all crazy again......give your thots to God....all of them - even the very ugly ones. He will help you thru one step at a time.

Every nite I go to bed now I am amazed at the very greatness of God and what He has done with my life in the past year. It's been one miracle after another. And I am always "replaying" all the scenes from when my H left to all the things that have happened with him since that first moment of him saying "I can't do this anymore!". And while we are still separated.......we are very much together. I don't believe any of it would have come about if I just hadn't learn how to totally leave him alone. And it got easy after a while - I knew I had my own walk I had to work out and am still working on daily.

As tough as this might be to hear.....this will be a road that will make you a better person and a better husband.....if you let it. Concentrate on you. As F1 said to me some months ago...."you have been given a gift". This is a gift. You will one day treasure this walk beyond anything you could ever have imagined.

one baby step at a time is not just for her........it's mostly for you. one at a time.

don't push it any more. Bite your lips and tongue til they bleed but keep it quiet. You'll get answers sooner....but don't spend your days looking for answers. They won't come quickly that way. Let it go...........and your life will flow.

you are in my prayers


brue