Quote: She is one hell of a woman and has come such a long way. You will also.
Don' I know it smurfey me old mate. I read up on a load of her posts when she gave me some advice and a lot of encouragement in October I think. I did not get as far back as march because she's a prolific poster like you and its hard reading some of her threads when they have 600+ views and around 150 replies. Whew.... You know what its like.
Its such a blessing when your going though the mire and some kind angel like Lissett descends upon your thread to snap you out of it and administer some kind firm medicine. Its always to the point but done in love. Something we all know about eh the tears. Sometimes I wonder if I'm going to run out of tears. I hope not because it will probably mean I've run out of love.
Anyway I'm gonna check out those threads of Lissets again in March as ordered. I always try to take my medicine me.
Good baby steps today and a biggy i think. I've got to post the other update about her possible coming home at the weekend.
Nick
me 41 her 40 kids (3) 19, 16 and 6 married 20 years, together 31 years since childhood
bomb Aug 06, affair started june 06 and still going on
Whilst you might see your wife being receptive to all this, and saying she is going to read this material, it could be a way of getting you off her back.
If this MLC and I believe it is, it is all about HER feelings and not common sense.
She is going to do whatever, to feel good.
I really do not want to piss on your fire my friend, but I can see you setting yourself up for further hurt.
Quote: Peaches here had to visit wife last night after being a complete monster for most of the day and after becoming a text stalker spewing forth vileness. Bile and vile I never knew existed. I said some pretty mean things like for example "if i find out who he is on my own AND I WILL FIND OUT WHO HE IS. I'm going to cut of his &*ck (penis) and stick it down his throat" Another one I'm not particularly proud of "You better tell me who he is or I will make it my life goal to ruin your life. I am going to go for access for Isaac and I am picking him up from school today. I don't care if I make a scene then everyone in the playground will know what a whore you are" bleh bleh.
Um Peaches! the above words, are um totally never going to get you in bed with your W again! So cut it out!
calm down honey!
Quote: OOH lissett why do you have to be one of smurfys babes as well.
Peaches you said it right! I am only ONE of the smurf babes! but what can I do? he is so darn cute!
“Pray as though everything depended on God. Work as though everything depended on you.”
Quote: If you want evidence that you will get through this, that things will get better, read Lissets thread around March 2006, and compare her postings then, to the one above.
She is one hell of a woman and has come such a long way. You will also.
SEEEE, that is why I'm a smurf babe!
“Pray as though everything depended on God. Work as though everything depended on you.”
Hey Nick - You probably haven't seen any of my posts but I felt compelled to write so I could say "STOP IT"! You have to stop it. You are way too soon in all this happening for you to be getting excited about baby steps. Do you see the way you, yourself, have been dealing with stuff? You have never acted like this before either. That alone should tell you that any one of us can change on a dime. And there is always some provocation for us doing the things we do...........and that includes your wife. If you ever want to hear what she is really feeling and what got her to this place..........you have to leave her alone...........and........you need to learn to be kind - no matter how hurt you are.
You will find, as time goes by.......how many different areas of your own life need changing. It was a great eye opener for me. I have been a born-again Christian since age 20.......I am now 54. Nothing has shaped my life as much as the last year. Honestly?????? It's been the best thing I have ever gone thru. I am a new person..........a much stronger person..........a less nagging person......in fact a NON nagging person. I have learned how to reach out and hold the hand of God and KNOW He will guide each step of each day if I let him.
You made a comment (which I know you didn't mean - you were all caught up in the moment) - that you wish you weren't a born again Christian so you could end this miserable life and be done with it.
I will say that you will find that God wants your whole heart. And.........if you allow it........He will have it because you will learn now how to give it to him completely. It is the only way to get thru.......and it is the best way. You will make it thru just fine.
As for your wife.......honestly?????? She sounds pretty sweet and the one who has been acting ugly is you. Now I know you have been terribly crushed.........but if you can stop and breathe and try to see beyond this - you'll see that they do have a "side" of the story which is legitimate. It's not that they had a right to have an affair since they were unhappy......but it is what happened and now you have to learn how to go on from there. Badgering her over and over again about who it is is not going to help your situation at all.
Tonite......when you go to bed........and your mind is making you all crazy again......give your thots to God....all of them - even the very ugly ones. He will help you thru one step at a time.
Every nite I go to bed now I am amazed at the very greatness of God and what He has done with my life in the past year. It's been one miracle after another. And I am always "replaying" all the scenes from when my H left to all the things that have happened with him since that first moment of him saying "I can't do this anymore!". And while we are still separated.......we are very much together. I don't believe any of it would have come about if I just hadn't learn how to totally leave him alone. And it got easy after a while - I knew I had my own walk I had to work out and am still working on daily.
As tough as this might be to hear.....this will be a road that will make you a better person and a better husband.....if you let it. Concentrate on you. As F1 said to me some months ago...."you have been given a gift". This is a gift. You will one day treasure this walk beyond anything you could ever have imagined.
one baby step at a time is not just for her........it's mostly for you. one at a time.
don't push it any more. Bite your lips and tongue til they bleed but keep it quiet. You'll get answers sooner....but don't spend your days looking for answers. They won't come quickly that way. Let it go...........and your life will flow.
you are in my prayers
brue
I'm alive, I'm happy - why shouldn't I tell the world I've got my head screwed back on just fine. Life is good for the Brue!
Hmmmmm.......I have nothing to say but everything said about Lissett is true. She has been everyones everything for a long long time. This is why we love her so!
I hope one day, I too, can reach the status of a "Smurf Babe"
Nick....everything is going to be fine. Slow down the thinking process, as it does nothing but harm you. No questions, no snooping, no I love you's......nada. She will only run further and further!
Take care
Jeanette
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
Well... I just ad to come here because Lissie said you were awesome and I am stalking her!!!!
So, Nick...I am just adding to what everyone else has said...you need to really step out of the situation. You are in wayyyyyyyyyy too deep right now. You need to let her figure things out on her own. You can't spoon the answers to her. If you do, she won't learn the lesson she is supposed to and then you will have to go through it all again. Let her learn the lesson.
Now...we all have backslid and said things we regret and I know you say tat you have never touched your wife in anger before HOWEVER....yo uneed to remove yourself if you feel this happening again. I know you feel sorry and I kno w that you have apologized. I am not suggesting that you are an abusive husband HOWEVER after having wroked inthe field for some time I am letting you know that by trying to exert your power and control over her you are driving her further and further away. Letting her know that you are stronger than her and wil go to the ends of the earth to get what you want form her is not a good thing. Having been in an abusive marriage, I will tel lyo uthat I would agree to forgive you whatever you did becasue I learned before that you would smack me around if I didn't tell you what you wanted.
Be careful of the messages you are sending your wife.
Also...the obsession with finding the OM...I was fortunate enough to have met the OW and had her at my house etc....knowing who it is doesn;t make it any easier. He is probably ugly and stupid and smarmy and gross and you will wonder what the crap he has that you don't. The answer is...nothing. They have nothing to do with you...they are not competition for you...they are like a different outfit. W2S has suggested (on someone's thread) to treat them as an inanimate object...they are a book or a hat or a drug that they feel they need. Doesn't relate to you (but I do know how hard it is not to compare)
Figure out what you are going to do for YOU...not your marriage...not your wife...but YOU. The crazy thing is...doing things for yourself makes you feel better and that in turn opens you up for positive changes in your marriage...kind of the circle of life sort of thing!!!
It gets better...for real...my life is better by a billion times than around this time last year. If we limit our potential to our own imagination we miss out on an infinate other number of possibilities...give it up to a higher power and start finding small belssing to focus on then bigger ones will appear.
enough to have met the OW and had her at my house etc....knowing who it is doesn;t make it any easier. He is probably ugly and stupid and smarmy and gross and you will wonder what the crap he has that you don't. The answer is...nothing. They have nothing to do with you...they are not competition for you...they are like a different outfit. W2S has suggested (on someone's thread) to treat them as an inanimate object...they are a book or a hat or a drug that they feel they need. Doesn't relate to you (but I do know how hard it is not to compare)