she's left my life has ended

[nickfromtheuk]

Oh Lissett.

Your always blooming right!! Good job too. I don't know how to change the title I'm afraid.

he he you do bring a smile to my face. I've dug the superman belt out of the loft and believe me its tight. I brought it when I was a 28" waist and now I'm a 32. Oh the ravages of time!!! OK I figured some detachment is in order but I guess I'll have to get with the program.

Some news though........breaking news.............

Peaches here had to visit wife last night after being a complete monster for most of the day and after becoming a text stalker spewing forth vileness. Bile and vile I never knew existed. I said some pretty mean things like for example "if i find out who he is on my own AND I WILL FIND OUT WHO HE IS. I'm going to cut of his &*ck (penis) and stick it down his throat" Another one I'm not particularly proud of "You better tell me who he is or I will make it my life goal to ruin your life. I am going to go for access for Isaac and I am picking him up from school today. I don't care if I make a scene then everyone in the playground will know what a whore you are" bleh bleh.

Not me really. I've always been very gentle with my wife especially in what I say. Only ever word of encouragement never bile like that so I am very ashamed of yesterday. I allowed my emotions to run riot and my rage to escape. At times I actually felt faint.

So I to see my love (she is still my love whatever she has done) as I have arranged to take my son out. Now I went through the questions as you know from the post just alittle bit above and said to her "I am not fishing so you can look the other way whilst answering so I will just make a statement or 2" "Either he is someone you bump into every day probably one of the dads at school or its is some one I know" So she says nothing, which is what I expected.

When she moved out I gave her a book I brought her 6 months ago by Christine Schaap called bring it on about mid life crisis / transition. She always said she would read the db books etc but never did and used to get angry when I asked her is she had read them. She used to explode "I DON'T LOVE YOU AND AN F ING BOOK IS NOT GOING TO BRING IT BACK. ITS DEAD blah blah. Sunday I had in amongst the apology I had an affair because I don't love you any more. Any waysy Christine signed the book to her, which was nice and I suggested when she left she take the book with her.

Blow me down with a feather she has read some of it. Baby step or what. Another baby step coming up. I downloaded some material about holding in anger, withdrawing, resentment and forgiveness because whenever we talk I tell her she has not forgiven me for the last 4 years, which were bad in our marriage. I read them (parts of them) to her and she asks for them when she leaves to go home.

Baby step no 3. Also when I spoke to her today I kind of tricked her into revealing her affair was with one of the dads at the school. Nasty I know but I wanted her to realize I could find out who he is and still not do anything to hurt him, his business, his property or family. So I said "I don't understand you said his wife did not love him". "How long has she not loved him and does he love her"? "No he doesn't" she says and "they have not been in love for 4 or 5 years". So I say (where I confirm he's one of the dads)" how did she find out? Did one of the other parents tell her" I know very sneaky of me and she fell for it hook line and sinker. " No" she says "she found a text message on his phone".

I can see her mind ticking over saying [censored] silently I've told him where to find him.

So she says his wife-- "She made him promise to stop the affair" "Oh" I say. You said he only stayed in the marriage for his kids right!! So if he has not loved his wife for 5 years and she not him, how can she demand he stays celibate? Surely you must realize he was lying when he said this was his first affair. If they have a marriage with no love why does he do what she says if he was finding happiness with you. You must realize surely that he's probably done this before and will do it again soon with another vulnerable woman.

I love her so much but I could see her pain a clear as day as the penny dropped and she conceded she was probably played all along by someone skilled in seeking out women in transition or crisis. Bastad. She did look sad. She had genuine feelings for him. SO as part of baby step no 3 I show her a brilliant post from Forty Sixty something entitled Diary of an affair in which a woman details how she fell madly in love with another man an discarded all her feelings for her husband believing she no longer loved him. Her husband also writes his side of the Story. They are both as happy as pigs in muck now. Whilst they wish the affair never happened they are thankful it woke both of them up.

So to cut a long story short I think bay step no 3 was huge for her and opened her eyes. She left asking me if she could take the material with her saying she wanted to spend a couple of hours reading through the stuff on resentment, repressed anger and forgiveness.

YES.. .. .. .. .. ..

OOH lissett why do you have to be one of smurfys babes as well. I've seen the post where you and the other babes get jealous with PeteDM got a bit confused with his sexuality

Nick