she's left my life has ended

[nickfromtheuk]

Hi all. Just updating.

I've completely blown it today and gone 180 this evening. I have been such a bastad (sorry for the language)today. I kept up the pressure to find out his name address etc. I texted her all morning and some of the afternoon. Some of the things I have said were horrible. From whore bitch to If i find out who he is on my own I'm gonna cut his cock of and choke him with it. I said I would go for custody and fight in the courts. Everything from I'm gonna make it my life’s work to making your life hell unless you tell me to I'm going to go bankrupt so you will have to as well because we have huge dept drawn down though the private account and credit cards so she knows If I go bankrupt she will be hit for her half, which is about 16 grand. I staked her this morning arguing with her in the street. Oh Lord I've been a complete idiot.

I didn't sleep a wink last night. I was awake all night fantasizing about beating the info out of her. Strapping her to the chair. Putting a gag in her mouth etc etc.

Where did this angry monster come from. The Saturday morning after the disclosure of the affair I slapped her about the head screaming at her to tell me who it is. I even threatened to strangle her and put my hands around her throat. Thankfully I did not squeeze. I am so ashamed. I have never laid a finger on my wife never ever so why did I nearly kill her. Unfortunately my 6 year old son witnessed all of this and was begging us to stop.

I'm surprised she is still speaking to me. I know she has forgiven me because she told me and I know when she is being sincere. She seems to be full of remorse. I took my 6 year old son out last night to McDonalds for a happy meal and had a great time even though I only spent 45 minutes with him though. I suppose I have to be happy with that for the time being.

I asked her to come back home last night. I also asked her if I could ask her some questions about her affair. Said I was not fishing for info to try and work out who it is but just wanted some answers. I told her she did not have to answer all of them if she didn’t want to so she agreed. I wrote a list and said the reason I have written a list is because once you have answered my questions I will never ever bring it up again. I said I hope that if we survived, as a couple she may one day be able to talk about it and her feelings. The questions and answers were as follows:

1. How long (please be honest, I don’t care if it finished 3 days ago I just want you to be honest) did it go on for?
A. September to Dec 06 (ouch).

2. Did you have feelings for him did you and do you still love him?
A. Yes very strong feelings. I was falling yes did love him. Still have some feelings for him.

3. Is he married? She previously said he was divorced.
A. He turns out to be married after all.

4. Have you spoken to him (told him) about the fact I know about the affair? Does he know what I look like? I said I completely understood if she did.
A. No (not sure if she was lying) and no (still not sure if she’s lying).

5. Does his wife know?
A. Yes but she does not know who with and does not want to know. Apparently he is in a loveless marriage just like her. His wife does not love him and has not loved him for years but is happy to stay with him for the sake of the kids.

6. Bearing in mind that his wife knows why did the relationship end and who ended it.
A. WE both ended it by mutual consent as things were getting very pressured (I think they probably started taking risks and that’s how his wife knew).

7. Who chassed who? How did it start? Did he just invite you for coffee round the café? How.
A. Don’t want to answer.

8. Bearing in mind you started to sleep with him in September, you must have started going for coffee’s etc a couple of months earlier in June of July. So you must have started out having an emotional affair with him. Did you know you were going to sleep with him? Was in kind of inevitable?
A. Not answering question.

9. Did you take your rings off to appear available or after you started the affair?
A. I took my ring off about a month before because I was wearing silver rings and I have not got a silver wedding ring.


I reminded her of a conversation we had back in October last year when the affair was in full swing and she glibly remarked that I saw the ring as a mark of ownership. I reminded her last night that a couple of years ago she would have regarded it as a symbol saying leave me alone my heart belongs to another.

I do wonder if he is so unhappy in his marriage and his wife has not loved him in years why the hell does he not move out and get a divorce. He obviously acts like a single man. I bet his wife doesn’t understand him either. What a complete and utter [censored] bag. He probably goes through several married women a year giving them the same old crap. Probably looks out and is fine-tuned to spotting women having self esteem (mlc) problems.

I have an idea who he is or who he might be. My wife told me she met him in the park and it went from there. My wife is not the kind of woman who could do that. It would have to be someone she saw regularly in a safe environment. Despite her mlc and her obsession with her appearance she is still quite shy.

Because of her abject refusal to tell me who he is must be because:

a) Its someone I know.
b) It’s the other person I thought it was to which she denied it and I know where this person lives etc so she knows I would go round and have a word.
c) It is one of her old flames (there were 2 when we split up in our teens years).
d) It is someone she comes into contact with him every day and cannot help seeing him because he drops his kids off to the same school as our son.

I’m convinced its option d. Last night I said to her I would be OK with not knowing who it was and I wanted to make a couple of statements to which I did not want confirmation but just wanted to state a possible fact. I said I think the reason you wont tell me who its is, is because you come into contact with him every day and cant help that. I said she probably thought that because of this I would go down to the school find out whom he was, beat him up, make a scene and tell his wife (later found out she is supposed to know). I know from her response that this is the answer. She does bump into him every day. I told her that in order to prove to her that I had forgiven her I had to be comfortable in the knowledge she saw him every day, which I was as long as the affair was over.

So anyway. After this I asked her to come home. I asked her to just give things a try bearing in mind the last time I asked her to try she embarked on an affair so I never stood a chance of her opening up her heart. I said she would come back and all I wanted in return would be for her to follow some of the principles set out in a web site I like such as depositing love bank credits into each others accounts. Making time for each other and starting to have contact just the odd holding hands for a while and the odd cuddle to see how things go. Told her we just needed to honour each other as well and the feelings will come back. She obviously still does not believe they will but she may be willing to try.

I also told her that if we went forward we would have to be 100% honest in everything. I asked her is he had her new mobile phone number and she said no so I told her I would expect her phone to be left on the counter top like mine so there are no secret texts etc as hiding her phone would break down any trust I developed which she agreed to (IF SHE COMES HOME)


What do you guys think? Wish me luck and pray for me please. My wife’s name is Lorraine if any body wants to stand in the gap for her.

Nick.

Standing tall for my marriage.