I also am so sorry this is happening to you. It has happened to most of us at some point, not that it makes you feel good to know you are a part of such a difficult group.
I have felt compelled after reading your posts to tell you something. When I found out about my H's OW I was also obsessed with everything about her. I constantly talked about her to my H. I asked millions of questions. I realized later on after he moved out that I had made our situation so much worse by doing this. I don't know if I could have resisted but I wish I had tried. I badgered him about it, I cried at the drop of a hat. I thought about her day and night. He couldn't take it. I figured out too late that he was not some happy in love guy, he was a total train wreck and my constantly talking about it all had pushed him even further over the edge.
Snodderly always says sit quietly and the answers will come to you. I really believe this is so true. If you will pray and just sit it out you will get more information than you will believe. Things will open up for you and you will see what has really been going on.
You've mentioned that you are a Christian. May I suggest you go to RejoiceMinistries.com and check them out. They send out a Charylene Cares newsletter everyday for Standers who are Christians and there are bible studies to listen to and lots of info for you that will help. It helps keep me on the right track when I think about doing something stupid.
Once again I'm so sorry for you and your children. Look at them and tell yourself you'll give them the love you wish you could give your W right now and be the best dad you can. You will heal and things will improve eventually. Remember, nothing stays the same.
Hugs, Sunflower
"Tell me what you plan to do with your one wild and precious life." Mary Oliver
