Sorry for the turn of events but inside you probably knew it was coming. Stick around, do a bunch of reading of others posts and you will soon realize that you are walking down a path that MANY others have already been down. That doesn't make it easier by any means, but it does mean that there is a wealth of advice and experience out there that you can use to make this part of your journey less harmful to yourself and your children. THIS is now your primary focus for the foreseeable future.
It is now time for you to acquaint yourself with the MLC'ers Handbook. Pay particular attention to the chapter on key words and phrases that are approved for use by all MLC spouses, because you will find in there several of the juicy little tidbits that your wife has already used on you.
By the way, the GOLDEN RULE FOR LBS is this: Believe NOTHING that comes out of their mouths and only HALF of what you see!! These words can be your salvation if you heed them, and your ruin if you do not.
"I love you but I'm not in love with you." "You could never get over OM so our marriage is over." "Our marriage was over long ago." "I never loved you."
All these things (and MANY more) are likely to flow from her mouth at one point or the other. They do hurt, but we have to remind ourselves that at best they are a bastardization of the truth. In most cases they are just complete ridiculousness.
There is nothing to be gained by you in knowing who the other person is. What will you do with the info? Go beat him up? How incredibly masculine of you. And your wife of course, seeing how manly you are, will immediately fall down at your feet and confess the errors of her ways and beg you to take her back.
I know, it's ridiculous. Now tell yourself that about twenty times until you feel capable of letting the whole thing go.
My WORST mistake in dealing with my adulterous MLC wife? Making an issue of her OM and thereby elevating him from pleasant distraction on her part to a person that she felt she just HAD to be with. Don't make the same one.
I can't understand why should would take one child and leave the rest with you. Seems cruel for no reason. This is perhaps something that can be revisited should a legal separation become part of things. I am a bit against the flow around here on this matter and would suggest that you immediately look into legal separation paperwork. It provides you will a framework for dealing with child issues and finances, two things that can create a lot of friction between the two of you. Please try to remember that at this point in time, friction between the two of you is NO GOOD.
Read, read, read. Then read somemore until you feel like you have a handle on the basic approach to use between you and your wife. Leave her alone, don't pressure her, keep interactions business like and friendly. Don't go on and on about your love for her or your desire for the restoration of the relationship. It's ok to put it on the table once, but she probably already knows how you feel about it.
Hang in there man. It's a bumpy ride.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
