I started a new post because it has nothing to do with my current situation. But I cannot help but notice alot of our spouses are between the the late 20's and under 35-36. Too early for a typical MLC. but what is it. I have been trying to figure this out. What happens beside you are no longer as good looking as you once were and now you have alot of responsibilities (KIDS, HOUSE, BILLS).
I don't know what it is, but my W started to lose weight when she decided to have her A. She knew what she was doing, though in a messed up frame of mind. She's 33, and I met her when she was 23. She did gain weight, and never lost it until now. Thanks to other people telling her (instead of me) that she is still young, attractive, and can get any man she wants. That was back then.
I think for my sitch (and many would agree), is that we have taken our S's for granted. And if more fighting than loving took place, then it adds fuel to the fire - the makings of a pre-MLC. When I look back at all of this, especially the 10 years spent in wrecking my M, I see what an idiot I've been and had no clue about what makes a good R work. I just turned 37, and I have no intentions of having an A. I found my girl, and I want to keep her. But you do bring an interesting topic to the board....
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
The average age for female MLC appears to be around 35 years old. Women tend to hit it alot sooner for whatever reason.
Those who married young or had children at an early age seem to start earlier as well. Plenty of woman MLCers in the 30-35 year old range...
Even when the MLC label is missing there are plenty of stories all over the Internet of 35 year old women suddenly deciding they don't want to be a mother or wife anymore and suddenly acting like teenagers.
It happens alot more often than people think! I think the reason you see so few male MLC LBS on this board is that most men just immediately divorce their now "insane" wife and move on rather than stand for their marriage.
I must admit I sometimes wonder if they aren't the smart ones, but at least I will be able to look back someday and honestly say that I tried "really really frigging hard" to save my marriage.
Quote: I don't know what it is, but my W started to lose weight when she decided to have her A. She knew what she was doing, though in a messed up frame of mind. She's 33, and I met her when she was 23. She did gain weight, and never lost it until now. Thanks to other people telling her (instead of me) that she is still young, attractive, and can get any man she wants. That was back then.
I think for my sitch (and many would agree), is that we have taken our S's for granted. And if more fighting than loving took place, then it adds fuel to the fire - the makings of a pre-MLC. When I look back at all of this, especially the 10 years spent in wrecking my M, I see what an idiot I've been and had no clue about what makes a good R work. I just turned 37, and I have no intentions of having an A. I found my girl, and I want to keep her. But you do bring an interesting topic to the board....
SOL - this is us to a T - how bizarre.
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
I really believe that my W might be goind through MLC. She is 29 and we had 2 kids together and she had one before we were together. She even told me that if our M does not work she is never going to get M again. Seems to change the dymanic of a R too much. She has been a horible mother of late and has even told people she would rather be at work because the kids are driving her insane.
Wierd.
I first thought it was just a typical WAW but now I am starting to wonder.
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
I think there might be a societal element to this phenomenon as well.
The media glorifies affairs/divorce, justifies lowering moral standards. We've been bombarded with it since we were kids, and I think we've all become increasingly de-sensitized to those ideas and what they REALLY mean. For some reason, it seemed okay in that movie, I mean, those people really loved each other...it didn't matter that they were married to others.
We're all used to having what we want NOW. If we're not happy, then it's time to start looking elsewhere. Forget patience--those vows we took certainly couldn't include dealing with this unhappiness. What, you mean it isn't my spouse's responsibility to MAKE SURE I'M HAPPY AT ALL TIMES?
I'm sure there have always been these problems, but I do think that part of the reason we're all looking younger is cultural/environmental.
No offense to women in their early 30's but I just want to throw this out there. Do any of you think it hits them (women) early partly due to the bio clock issue? Just wondering.
Just to give brief background on my sitch to sort of show you where I'm leading into. My wife turned 30 in our first year of marriage. We tried to get pregnant, but though I wanted to have kids as well, I must admit I felt that she was more determined than I was. My mistake, unfortunately I can't turn back time.
The following year, though we still did most everything together, she started giving me the cold shoulder and admitted to feeling some depression and confusion but would not commit to therapy. Then I was served with a buffet of what I always referred to as teenager like behaviour. I mean everything from loud music, some what erratic driving, sexier clothing, etc.
We sat down and talked on several occasions and actually managed to get her to tell me her complaints about the marriage and/or me in particular. Since I was already armed with Michelle's books,I sort of know what to do. The problem was that after a while it felt to me as if she was trying to conjure up complaints as we go along. Since I was able to address one after the other. No one knew it was coming. Soon thereafter, I believe that when she couldn't come up with any more complaints, she moved out. She was just 31 when all this happened.
Anyway, my opinion is that it can also be triggered by our so called bio clock particularly those similar to my sitch. Just my $0.02
Aud - you've hit the mail right on the head. I am currently reading a book called "monogamy myth" and it basically says A's are a societal problem that everyone igores, doesn't talk about, doesn't address. Yet our society is baraged by advertisements etc that flont sex and exploit women - go figure. It's an awesome book and my H even said he wanted to read it when I was done (that's got to be a first )
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
I think Woman in general no matter what age go through more "change of life" periods simply due to their biological makeup.
I believe their hormones are more active and their levels of testosterone and estrogen change dramatically during certain periods of their physical and mental development.
In many respects, they are slaves to these changes because it affects their emotions and sometimes they make poor judgements based on those emotions. Their emotions sometimes win out over rational thought. I think the Woman who understand these changes of their body, mind and emotions are better able to minimize their negative effects and enhance their positive ones.
I think Men that go through this same process whether it's midlife crisis or whatever are influenced by what they perceive in their mind as something wrong with their life. I don't think it's emotional/biological as much as mental with Men. I would almost categorize it as a mental breakdown with Men and a emotional/biological malfunction with Woman.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
