He said he's seeing someone new

[Ophelia]

So for the most part, the BBQ was pretty fun. I was only meant to stay til 11:30, but ended up staying until about 2.

I was the first one there, and didn't bring up H when I arrived. It wasn't really until a bit later when I went inside, to keep my friends' wife company while she was feeding their baby, and she asked me how I was doing. I matter of factly told her how I was doing, and we had a good little chat.

A bit later still, I was back outside, and my friend (I'll just call him F from now on) actually brought up the subject of H. He'd sent him a txt to let him know that I was still there, and would be for a little bit longer coz other people hadn't really started showing up til 11:30, so I was hanging around a bit longer than was originally planned so I could actually spend some time with them. He also wanted to check if H was even still wanting to come.

F said that H had "given him attitude" when he'd brought up the subject of the BBQ and said that he (F and his wife) would still like me to go. He originally asked him about in via email, and H just that us both being there just "couldn't happen" and that was that. F wanted to talk about it with him face to face though, so waited til he saw H at work, (they both work for a small company and F is essentially H's boss, but they've worked together for years now so see each other as equals, F was actually best man at our wedding), to discuss it with him further. Apparently when F put forward his idea for us both to be there, just at different times, H said he thought F had "bitten off more than he could chew" (whatever that means, even F appeared confused by that statement) and wasn't at all happy. F told him that if he was that pissed off about it, then he didn't have to come at all if he didn't want to, (F is the kinda guy who doesn't like to beat around the bush much).

F then went on to say that there's "new H" and "old H" and you never know which one you're gonna get on any given day. He said that some aspects of "new H" he liked, eg he's more direct now, so he's more efficient when dealing with clients, but he also said there are aspects of "old H" which he still prefers as well.

He said that H had told him that he wanted to just cut off contact with me for good, so F had suggested that even if that were the case, that one last, face to face talk would probably be a good idea. Later, when F was giving me a lift home, (I don't have a car, so I walked there because they live pretty close, but he offered to drop me home), he said that he thinks that in time, H will come around and we should at least be able to be around one another as friends.

I'm trying to think positively as far as that's concerned. It's hard to be hopeful when not only did he tell me to stop contacting him, but he's also telling other people that he never wants to have contact with me again. Do other WAH/W say that kinda thing and then change their minds at some point down the track? If anyone else has heard of that happening, or has had it happen to them, I'd love to hear from you!

Whatever aliens abducted the kind man I fell in love with, I'd really appreciate it if they'd bring him back one of these days. I miss him, and I'm sad for the kind of person that's been left in his place.

Anyway, I'm back to feeling a bit crap right now, so I think I'll go have a shower, seeing as how it isn't about to rain anytime soon by the look of it and I need me another "symbolic washing away of the crap" session.

I'm glad I went to the BBQ, because I did have a good time playing pool volleyball and seeing some people I hadn't seen in quite a while. It's always a nice feeling when people are happy to see you.

.........

Edited to add that I've had this song stuck in my head for the last couple of days. I suspect it probably hasn't been released in the US, (here's a link to the video clip for it on YouTube if you wanna hear it), as the group who sings it, Evermore, are from New Zealand, but it's pretty huge here right now.

It's a beautiful song, and of course all songs are open to your own interpretation, but I see this one as being a guy speaking to a girl he broke up with, but now he's had a change of heart and wants her back, only now she is unsure, so this song is his way of comforting her. When I listen to the song, I think of how much I wish there would come a day when this is the way H will feel about us and about me....

Light Surrounding You by Evermore

I see you by the water
Your toes dipped in the sand
I thought that it was over
I thought you'd understand
But the feeling is returning
Though time has made us change
And I understand if you don't
Wanna talk to me about it tonight
Tonight

'Cause I see the light surrounding you
So don't be afraid of something new

Time was overtaking me
And I guess I was confused
They were all inviting me
But I wish I had refused
'Cause I've been there before
And I've seen it all
And I believe in you

And if you never had my heart
I would've never called you back
At the start that night
So I want you to know

That I see the light surrounding you
So don't be afraid of something new
'Cause I see the light surrounding you
So don't be afraid of what you're turning into

Blue-eyed sun shines on me
In the morning
Can't help but feel a little cold
Thinking of you

'Cause I see the light surrounding you
So don't be afraid of something new
'Cause I see the light surrounding you
So don't be afraid of what you're turning into
No, don't be afraid
Don't be afraid
Cos I see the light
Cos I see the light
Cos I see the light surrounding you