He said he's seeing someone new

[Ophelia]

Well, one small crisis over. Heard back from MIL and we are still having lunch tomorrow. Now I just have to concentrate all my efforts on not asking her for more info, because God knows I still need to know her name and how long they've been together, but it's not fair to ask MIL to cough that info up when H won't tell me himself.

[believing_isaiah43]

Honestly, you do not NEED any of that information. You WANT it.

Once you have her name, etc, if you do pursue getting it, it will do nothing for your M, your R, your GAL, zip. You will likely just obssess even MORE over whoever this person is. She is NOT the problem in you R/M.

Unfortunately, I discovered my H's A, so I had all the information from the get-go. Now that we're Piecing (-ish), all of her info and the emails I hacked into and read between them have been and still are a GINORMOUS roadblock to me LETTING IT GO. Once you get any more information, it WILL NOT HELP YOU.
at. all.

[osu43130]

BI is absolutly right. You probably do not see the truth in her post because I did not when I found out about the A. I had to know and I obssessed over it and it help push my W away. Let it go. Stay on track and focused on you and what went wrong in your R with your H.

You will regret all of the info you find out about this A. If you do not believe my just skip around the boards and look at the people that did the snooping and look at the pain they are going through because of it (Me included).

Just my 2 cents.
O

[Ophelia]

The thing of it is, there are actually a couple of potentials who I think she may be. People I've met a few times. People I know he hangs around with alot. I think if I didn't have potential suspects already in mind, I wouldn't need (want) to know so bad.

You're probably right, it'd probably just make me feel worse in the long run, but I don't know how to stop wondering if I'm right about who she is.

Damn me and my overactive imagination!

I'm also stressing a bit that as I'm leaving the BBQ on Friday, he might be driving down the street and if he's taking her with him, then I might go right past them.

Then I think that H will most likely be waiting for a txt from the host of the BBQ telling him I'm gone before he shows up. Having him go to such lengths to avoid being anywhere near me is so depressing, and is doing a damn fine job of chipping away at the hope I'm still clinging to that we can resolve this mess some day.

Everytime I think of how much this is putting my family through, I just feel sick....and I've gotta stop feeling sick, because when I feel sick I can't eat, so I haven't actually had a decent meal since Friday, which isn't a good thing.

[osu43130]

potential suspects

Assumtions. The are a killer for the PMA. The bottom line is it doesn't matter who this person is. What would be the difference if it was "Sally" or "Jane"? So stop it.

He is mot makeing you sick you are. You need to get a hold of your emotion first and foremost.

Get your M off of your H for a while. What have you done for you latly?

[Walking]

Hi Ophelia - welcome to another Australian girl. I'm Australian too - from Canberra. There aren't too many of us around nowadays.

Girlfriend you have to get a grip. At times in your posts you sound like a psycho stalker. I hope lunch with Hs mum went well - but you need to cut her out for a while.

You need to cease contact with H and his family and you need to do so for alot longer than the week that you did previously.

This is the time you have to focus on you - on GAL (Getting a Life). What do you do? What are your hours at work - could you put in longer or better quality hours for the time being to get your mind off this stuff?

What about activities - What do you like to do? How are they scheduled into your life.

What about things you've always wanted to do but haven't had the time.

The best way to deal with this tough time in your life is to fill you life up with things that take your mind off it. I kind of "layered" my life, so I had work, when I wasn't at work I was at the gym and when I wasn't at the gym I was spending time with girlfriends or my family - once a week I took a class (there are heaps of community night courses you can do), I took golf lessons, did a lot of hiking and I was finishing my Masters, so I took an extra subject.

Being really busy is a great way to get through the crisis.

Excercise is absolutely important too. Not only is it hard to focus on your broken heart when you have a heart rate of 160 and your sweating like a pig - but exercise is also very good for depression. When we become depressed, we often have no energy or motivation. As a result, we become less active. Doing regular, physical exercise helps to relieve mental and muscular tension. Physical exercise, such as walking, swimming, dancing, playing golf or going to the gym, is helpful.

You need to take this time of transition and focus on you - you should be aiming to be the best person you can be, so that if your H starts to miss you and if he decides to reconnect - he'll find an attractive, desirable, busy, happy girl.

[Ophelia]

Hi Ophelia - welcome to another Australian girl. I'm Australian too - from Canberra. There aren't too many of us around nowadays.

I'd been wondering if there were any other Aussies around this joint. Nice to meet you! I'm up in Brisbane.

I'll address particular comments and questions in another post, but just wanted to get this posted now.

Lunch with MIL was easier than I'd anticipated. I was actually feeling a bit better after it, though still rather crappy overall. So I was moping around the house still feeling sorry for myself when all of a sudden I started to hear rain on the roof, (which doesn't happen often, coz we're in the middle of the worst drought in recorded history, the dams are all but empty and we're on tight water restrictions...I even saw a thing on the news the other day about some little country town that has officially run out of water, ie: they've having to truck tanks of water in from somewhere else just to keep their toilets flushing!)

Anyway, whenever it rains I've made a habit of rushing outside to get some pot plants that are usually undercover to stick them out in the rain for a good drenching. Usually I'd move quickly so I wouldn't get drenched myself, but considering my depressed mood, I couldn't be bothered moving quickly and didn't much care if I got wet.

So I slowly moved the pots out into the rain, and when I was done, instead of rushing back inside, I just stood there, in the rain, looking down at my pot plants.

I've always thought, (and I dunno if it's an actual fact, or if it's just all in my head) that plants look happier after they've been rained on. You can water a plant with a watering can on a regular basis, and it'll do fine, but it's like there's something special in the stuff that falls from the heavens that rejuvenates them, perks them up and really makes them look alive. As I stood there thinking about this, I wondered if it'd have the same effect on a person.

So I walked out into the middle of the lawn in my backyard, closed my eyes, lifted my face to the sky and my arms over my head and stood there in the rain for probably a good 10-15 minutes, just letting myself get drenched. Felt kinda silly and I know it sounds kinda nutty, but I kinda just let the rain wash me clean.

Eventually, when my fingertips were starting to turn to prunes and my clothes were soaked, I moved out of the rain, and decided that that was gonna be the official end of the little pity party I've been having since Friday when I found out about OW. I guess you could say that I just let the rain wash all the crap off, so I could feel rejuvenated, just like the plants do, and I could start over with a clear(er) head.

I felt so much better after it that I even actually felt like eating, so had my first proper meal since Friday!

So the moral of my little story is that next time it rains, try just standing out in it. You may feel a little silly while you're doing it, but when it's done, you may just feel a whole lot better.

[believing_isaiah43]

What a lovely post Ophelia! I adore it! What a wonderful image.

I would love to quote you in my blog about the rain washing away the crud (you'd be in good company: I've quoted Grasshopper, ToughLover and AmyC to name a few of the 'famous' here) - all anonymously, and with permission, of course!

[wedge]

I agree that it was a very nice post Ophelia. The weird thing is I can see it in my head while reading your post. I would like to do it here the next time it rains but it's kind of cold right now LOL and in the summer I didn't want to get hit by lightning so I think I still to do the shower

All kidding aside, thanks for that post. I'm sure it will bring cheer to all who read it.

[Walking]

and decided that that was gonna be the official end of the little pity party I've been having since Friday when I found out about OW. ... I just let the rain wash all the crap off, so I could feel rejuvenated, ... and I could start over with a clear(er) head.

Excellent. Well one. That's a perfect reaction. (I'm also very jealous of Bris getting that much rain - it hasn't rained here for months)

Are you as happy as I am about the long weekend? I'm so looking forward to 3 days off. Do you have Australia DAy things planned?

I hope you have a great Australia Day and a wonderful long weekend.