He said he's seeing someone new

[Ophelia]

I really only had one R goal. Seeing as how we were no longer living together, and had little to no contact, I didn't want to go setting any lofty goals or high expectations. I just wanted him to take an interest in me. Any kind of interest. Just on a friendly level.

That's why I'd been backing right off in recent weeks. I wanted to stop scaring him away. Maybe make him miss me a little bit.

Anyway, when this latest batch of emails started up, it was actually initiated by him. Granted, the bulk of his email was about the change of name form for the phone, so it wasn't exactly a friendly topic, but he explained it all really well. One thing about me is that unfamiliar situations tend to make me freeze up and freak out. As I was reading the very detailed info he was giving me, I couldn't help but think that he'd remembered that about me, so was actually showing some personal concern by making sure I had all the info I would need so I wouldn't feel totally overwhelmed.

Then at the end of the email he actually paid me a compliment!! My main hope for an ultimate money making venture is selling pieces of furniture that I've painted up with my own designs on them. Here are a few examples of stuff I've done which is actually in our house: chest of drawers, bookshelf, spare bed, (where I've been sleeping the past couple of nights because I can't bear to sleep in our bed right now).

Anyway, I've had a stash of stuff waiting to be done up for ages, and had been working on designs for them all, and have finally been getting around to painting them, (which takes a considerable amount of time, like at least 50 hours of actual painting per piece, and that's not including the time I spend stripping the old paint and fixing bits that are broken), with a mind to selling them for (hopefully) big bucks when they're done.

For MIL birthday recently, I painted up an old plant stand for her with this funky, bright, Aztec inspired design. She absolutely loved it! Said she was gonna keep it inside and it would be her display pot which she'll put plants in when they're in full bloom.

Anyway, at the end of the email, he said that he'd seen it and that it looked great, and he wished me luck with selling the rest of the stuff I'm in the process of painting as well. So that was pretty much my one, little, hopeful goal accomplished, and for the rest of the week, there was more of the same. We were even joking around a bit at times! Then came that last email on Friday, and now that's all been blown to hell.

If he's just met someone else, he's feeling that euphoria of a new R. You have to be patient and wait for that to fade.

Just thinking of all the euphoria he must be experiencing right now makes me feel sick. I know you're right though, and I know it will fade. It's just the natural course of events, and being that there's no way known he could possibly be emotionally equipt for a healthy relationship with anyone (including myself) right now, I figure that when it does die down, it'll hit hard.

Wat he says is right, as far as he's concerned you were divroced 4 months ago. Hell, that doesn't make it right, but you have to play according to his rules. Don't argue with him, it will just make him hang on to his beliefs more.

I'm quite sure his justification for his actions makes perfect sense to him. Hell, I figured it out without even having to ask him about it!

I think the fear that I, (and possibly a lot of other people in my position) have is that you feel that by not arguing their beliefs, that means they'll see that as you condoning those beliefs. It validates in their mind that they're right. And of course, on the flipside, I am 150% sure that I am right as well, so it does go both ways. When you're the one being rejected, you feel like you've gotta fight more, longer, and louder to be heard. That's not really rational though. They hear it. Whether or not they acknowledge that they have, they've heard it, so there's no point in repeating it. That's the logic, but you're not focussed on the logic when you're running on pure emotion.

I've been reflecting on my behaviour tonight, trying to see it from his point of view. I was scary, man! No freaking wonder he wants nothing to do with me right now.

Mind you, if he had have just been a man about it and called me to explain in a relatively compassionate manner that he'd started seeing someone else, instead of tacking it onto the end of an email then wishing me a good weekend, a considerable amount of the ugliness would have been avoided. No, I wouldn't have been happy. Yes, I would have cried. But he knows how much it killed me when he told me he was leaving via email, but this time he went right ahead and dropped another bomb in exactly the same way, knowing full well from experience how devastated I'd be to find out that way in particular. Completely inconsiderate on his part. I'm sure he did it via email because he's too gutless and didn't want to hear my sad reaction and hear me cry. Much as he's hurt me, I do believe what he's said numerous times which is that he doesn't like seeing me hurting. That'd be why he does it from a distance. I guess that must mean he still cares, in some twisted way.

Don't do ANYTHING that won't bring him closer towards you.

Well here's hoping I can come up with something that will bring him closer. I'm not expecting any progress within the next few weeks. I won't contact him and he sure as hell won't be contacting me. The way he worded that text message made it sound like he didn't want to ever hear one more single thing from me ever again.