He said he's seeing someone new

[Ophelia]

Thanks for the advice. I know you're right. I've read DR. I even read the section on infidelity, even though it hadn't gotten to that point with us at the time.

For the last few weeks, I had been backing off. I only emailed him if it was absolutely necessary, like needing to find the address of a couple friends of ours so I could send them a card, and when I was gonna be bidding for some stuff for his mum on ebay, I asked if he could print them out and show them to her, because she's not online herself. He did these things for me. I kept things casual.

This past week, we had exchanged a few friendly emails again. It started out with him talking about figuring out how to get his name off the phone bill. I didn't get upset over it. We talked about stuff he's got going on with work. We talked about how I've started working out and doing some weights training, (a 180 for me as part of GAL). I asked if he could send me some photos from our friends' wedding, which he'd been to and I hadn't, and he happily sent me the links.

Everything was light and friendly and I was feeling really good about that. Then he dropped that bomb on Friday and everything changed in an instant.

So you see, I'd done the whole backing off thing, and I thought maybe I was starting to see some effect, so it's just twice as frustrating to discover I was wrong.

I did leave him one last voicemail just before. I didn't sound angry, I just sounded sad. I apologised for getting his mum involved, but said I just didn't know who else to turn to when he kept ignoring me. I said how literally sick to the stomach I am, and how I would like to talk to him because I just can't keep feeling this physically sick for another day. I said that I didn't want to leave things between us like this, with so much anger, and I hoped he didn't want that either. So I calmly asked him to please call me so we could talk.

I won't bother him anymore.

As far as I know, I'm still meeting his mum for lunch on Wed, (despite all this crap with her son, she still loves me and still wants to maintain a relationship with me, thank God). I suspect that may be the next time I hear anything about what's going on. I hope that when she talks to him herself, that she can at least convince him that she's not upset that I came to her, which is what she said to me.

The one thing I'm still really hung up on is who OW is. I've got a couple of potential suspects in mind, and it's driving me crazy not having a name so I can know for sure. One of the potentials actually kinda looks like me, so frankly, I'd find it rather amusing if she's the one.

I do intend to go to a counselling session at some point. Right now it's a matter of not being in an emotional state where I can even pick up the phone to make that call, though.

Again, thanks for the advice. When we're in this state, we need a bit of tough love and a kick in the butt to get us to straighten up. We may know in theory that we shouldn't be doing what we're doing, but we just feel so strongly about it all that we can't stop ourselves. So I think it's good to have this place, where others can keep me in check when I need it.

Even when I stop contacting him, I must still be on his mind now and then. I must. I've just gotta keep telling myself that I don't need to constantly prod him to remind him I'm still alive. Even if he doesn't show it, surely he must still know it. Right?