I had a session with a DB coach earlier this week, and I think I've got my head wrapped around what I need to do for now.
1-Just let him be where he is for now, stop worrying about his feelings, etc. The fact that he is living at his parent's house is hugely symbolic and I need to stop fretting about it and accept it for what it is (I'm already on this path). Just let it BE.
2-Work on my 'reflective listening' skills--instead of reacting to his comments with MY feelings or support or defense, simply reflect what he says back to him and STOP TALKING. Everytime I express what I think or feel, etc., it puts the focus back on ME instead of him and he stops talking. This stuff should be so obvious and easy, but it's kind of challenging for this self-focused girl.
It's funny, so many of the things said in the DR book and by the coach--have been said in conversations before by my H. It's interesting that he gets those things--at least in connection with what I need to do. Wish he GOT how badly I need openness and honesty and reassurance. But I guess that's where the ball lands back in my court so I can grow.
So I'm rolling up my sleeves AGAIN, and getting to work.
