Well, it feels like a real leap of faith to be firing up a thread in this forum - but I guess that's what I like about it. I know there's plenty left to do, and no guarantees, but I feel the need to make that mental transition.
Here's the post I made recently that convinced me to jump over from Newcomers:
Quote: Had a good conversation with W last night.
I came home from class to find W and D14 at each other's throats over something D14 was supposed to do, but didn't. D14 has been really b!tchy for the last few days, so W went to her myspace page to see if she could get some insight. D14 had posted that one thing on her mind was the fear that W and I would announce at any minute that we were splitting up. (Note: D14 is your typical oblivious-to-everything-the-parents-do teenager.)
W: I guess I ought to talk to her about that.
Rob: So... what would you tell her?
W: (smiling) You're fishing...
Rob: (thinking NO SH!T but keeping the tone light) Yeah, you might say that...
W: (after a long pause) I would tell her that things are going better, but that I'm still not completely happy. However - and it took me a long time to come around to this - I realize that most of what I'm unhappy about has to do with me and not you.
We talked some more, but that was the Big Moment. W told me once again that she would like to see me "leading" more and used our ballroom dancing to illustrate that (see, it's not all in my head! ) I told her I felt I was doing a lot better with that, although I knew there was still room to improve, and she agreed with what I said.
So, I now have heard one of the two things I've been waiting for from W, that she plans to stay. (The second, of course, is ILY - but I have faith that will come in time.) Sure, it wasn't "everything is perfect and all of our problems are solved and I'll never have doubts again" - but I wasn't expecting that.
I like to name my threads after song lyrics that resonate with me ATM:
But now that you've come back Turned night into day I need you to stay.
So now I come to you, with open arms Nothing to hide, believe what I say. So here I am with open arms Hoping you'll see what your love means to me Open arms.
Rob
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
Great song by Journey - one of my all time favourites. I seem to link a lot of my life to music/songs too and I try as much as possible to stick with positive love songs at this moment - not always feeling like that but trying anyway
Congrats on the moving to Piecing
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Rob, Welcome to Piecing. I too dance with my W, though it's mainly salsa and latin. The dancing has been a significant part of our piecing progress. She and I began lessons several months after she returned from our separation. We practive at home at least weekly.
I'm sure you'll be hearing from me, when I think I can offer something helpful.
Concerned_Listener
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Thank you all. I'm looking forward to the new insights from the folks on this board.
I'm currently about halfway through the Tips for Newcomers thread in this forum. Whew, in a way it's a relief to see I'm not the only who comes here with so much left to resolve - and in a way, it's a little bit of a shock to see that as well. Ah well, nobody promised any of this would be easy.
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
Congrats on the move! Remember the days when you didn't think it was possible?
Yeah, there's lots still to do once you're in this spot, and a whole lot of it has to do with your own feelings. Don't be surprised by any of your own feelings that pop up.
My new one is doubting H and snooping again...yeah, duh, but...well...trust will be a long won issue....
Knew you'd make it here!
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
Hey Rob you belong here and it's great you got out of W some of what she likes AND that it wasn't all your fault, she's realising that she has to take some responsibility for her own happiness. My H was in a similar position around Aug/Sept last year. What helped was me carrying on with DB and keeping my focus on me and my own happiness, and not fretting about what he was thinking. You DO belong in piecing!!! You've made the jump to light speed and you've worked hard for that.
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
Rob, congratulations on the jump. Glad to see it my friend. Your advice has been helpful. Good luck in the new forum and piecing your m back together in general! Cliffy
It's been a few days since I updated. No huge news, but I want to keep journaling.
We had a good weekend. W has been wanting to get the house cleaned up, and I spent several hours shoveling all the accumulated crap out of the den while she weeded through her clothes. It was good to support her goals (and the den does look a lot better now!)
We went to our dance lesson Sunday afternoon - learning the West Coast Swing. Still working on Leading and Following, and the new steps we learned were pretty challenging. Fun, though.
Sunday afternoon / night, W wanted to watch the two football playoff games on TV. In the Old Days, I never liked football and would never watch it with her - one of her gripes. Learning to like football was one of my GAL activities (long story there), but I'm not sure she ever 100% believed it. Anyways, we had a good time watching the games (particularly the Patriots/Colts - she cheered for Indy because they were the underdogs - I didn't tell her I was cheering for the Patriots out of loyalty to my man swashy from the DB boards ). Drank some tasty dirty martinis during the second game with W leaning against me in bed as we watched TV. ML after the game. In other words, a great evening!
Monday, W was really out of sorts after work. She and D14 were fighting like crazy. Did my best to get them both to chill out, then backed off and let them go at it. This was a 180 for me - I used to jump into the fray with both feet. Worked on my homework while everybody simmered down, then went and talked to W. She had had a crummy day at work, with PMS to boot, and that led to the blow up. Listened to her problems and affirmed without "fixing". Afterwards, took D14 aside and told her mom had a crummy day at work - heard them making up a little while later.
Today things seem better for W. We've emailed a few times while at work and she seems in a much better mood. I feel like I handled it very well and kept applying my DBing, particularly the "control your own actions and don't try to control the other person's" lesson.
Rob
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
) I told her I felt I was doing a lot better with that, although I knew there was still room to improve, and she agreed with what I said.
