What if I go to his place and stuff happens and I feel like I am allowing him to eat cake? (this is an official mlc term)
What if I tell him we will eat at a restaurant so it is a neutral setting (don't want him in the house if he is doing her, don't want to eat in his place if he is doing her there)? Will I be sending negative signals, and do I care? (These are official mlc questions to wonder)
Somebody stop me before I wonder too much.
Problem is, there are no absolutes, no right/wrong answers. What makes them right or wrong is how do you feel about them, and if you try something, does it seem to work for you.
Now about eating cake. Many believe the MLCer needs to continue to feel there is a connection to their old life that they may one day use to find their way home. Some here never stopped intimacy with their MLCer, in the home or elsewhere. Can't say how it helped or didn't. It just felt right to them.
As for just talking, yes, almost all printed wisdom regarding DB and/or MLC says be their friend. Make them remember feeling safe with you.
But some here can not do that. Some get so hurt every time there is contact they have adopted the NC, lights out, dark approach. Simply, if the MLCer awakens and tries to come home, well ... we'll see how that works if and when it ever does. Till then, life is for the living. Live it.
If it sounds like a buffet of frustrating options, welcome to our forum.
