I am here under a new id, just curious how long your spouse has been having an affair? My spouse's is now over a year. I never thought it would last over 6 months. My S and OP just seem to be moving on with thier lifes together. I am doing everything the DB way but there are mental issues with both of them. CODEPENDECY!!!
My H's lasted about 5mths. It pretty much ended because the ow did see that H was using her as a crutch (apparently he'd talk non stop about how him and how bad he was feeling), because he was a ho and wanted other men, and because she caught him in his web of lies.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
My H's affair has been going on for about 8 months as far as I can tell. I think they're still ok together, but I guess I'd be the last to know! He's due to stop working in the OW's country in March, so we'll see what happens then. Or rather, I'll have moved oot by then, D papers will have been filed and I won't ever have to talk to him again - hoorah!!
You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him discover it in himself. Galileo Galilei
My H had two affairs that I know of. The first, I was told lasted about a year. I found out this week though, that OW1 is still in contact with him and addressing him using loving language, so if it's still on, we're nearly three years into it. OW2 was only in the picture for a few months...as far as I know.
Some affairs last only a short time while others can go on for many years. I imagine they differ so greatly based on the people involved and where they are in their life. My husband's first affair (we were quite young at the time) lasted about 2 months. It was an EA and he ended it just before it escalated into a PA.
The second affair (I call it the MLC "exit affair") lasted about 6 months. Quite honestly, I think it might have lasted longer if she had been single and lived locally... although that's hard to say. The distance (with only occassional business trips where they got together), might have fueled it by keeping it in a fantasy state. Unfortunately, (or others tell me fortunately), I don't know enough of the details to understand why it lasted the length it did and what the "draw" was. I'm not even sure what killed it but I suspect it was me telling her husband about it.
Now, on the other hand, my father-in-law had a 10-year affair with his divorced secretary. He eventually divorced his wife, was alone for awhile (because OW was hesitant to marry him), but eventually she did and they have now been married at least 5 years. I suspect the only reason he doesn't have affairs anymore is he's retired and too old!!! I believe he did have numerous affairs throughout his marriage.
So the length of affairs, reasons, etc... can differ quite a bit. I would think co-dependency can be a very strong bond.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Codependency is the link between them. Where I was the strong ROCK in our relationship. They are both weak. I came home from running errands last nite to an empty, cold, dark house the dog was the only one there to greet me. I realized that the OP is so weak he cannot handle being by himself, that is why he is with my wife even though he doesn't do anything for her or take her anywhere. She can't see the forest for the trees, but she needs to wake up, get her priorities straight, and get right with GOD. No one at all likes that SOB but nobody can get thru to her. I pray for her, but all I can do is be her best friend and wait for her to wakeup.
My H first lasted about 3 months but in that amount of time he was ready to leave me and be with OW. This time it's been going on for almost 4 months and I found out 2 weeks ago. He has no intention of stopping it... too "in love" (or is that lust?)
I would agree with the co-dependency.. OW is very weak and H is very caring (although obviously also emotionally weak!). I have always been his stability. I'm sure this will be addressed in counseling...his weakness and why he keeps putting himself in these situations.. willing to give up everything - church, family, stability...
I'm right there with you praying that they can figure it out and make it right with God first and us second..
My W's has become a suger daddy to her. He buys her everything and anything to keep her around and show that he Loves her. In our sitch we were living check to check so we did not really have any extra money to spend on each other so she probably feels like his little princess right now.
This all sucks.
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
