Well how on earth do I start this... I guess by first stating that this is GC's H. Secondly I'll tell you I do have serious "trust" issues as you can well imagine and continue to push for 'secrets' and things being hidden from me. In a 'rare' moment of honesty GC told me about posting to this site. Not in and of itself a ground breaking 'secret' but something GC was intentionally hiding because of an assumption that I wouldn't 'approve' of it. This is in large fact a sound assumption but not for the reasons GC thinks.
I don't as a rule disapprove of seeking help for what is a very real and serious problem. GC would tell you I don't like having our dirty laundry aired. This is true but these boards are hopefully anonymous enough I could get over it. I do feel intense shame and a very strong desire to protect myself from further humiliation and pain.
That said, I absolutely disapprove of GC posting simply because it was something GC was concealing, and at the moment as you can imagine concealing ANYTHING isn't exactly conducive to rebuilding a relationship. GC states I am to trust and believe... That honesty and integrity are the rule of the day... Yet it feels even in this tiny thing that I've been lied to. Doesn't exactly engender trust. It feels, from my perspective, that truth and honesty are only an option when there are no good reasons not to tell it. Well there is ALWAYS some reason to lie, some motive, some rationale. Not something I really needed to see GC do at the moment, even if GC's motives were in this instance for the good of our M.
That being (poorly) said, I'll say this. As you've gathered from the posts I am still present and accounted for in our M. Barely as it were but I am trying. I am sure this has been said a million times but this whole thing just absolutely, positively SUCKS. It was insightful to read GC's posts and get a better feel for where her head is (though it could be a trick to make me believe the things I can't seem to when told... See how paranoid and distrustful this stuff makes a person. Sheesh).
This post is long enough so I'll close with a message and a bit of advice.
The message: For those of you concerned for GC all is fine though not well. You know what I mean. Fine about the board, not well about the M. It is tough at the moment but this isn't any major setback and may actually prove beneficial. In short, GC is no worse for sharing this with me and may actually be better.
The advice (though my heads not too square these days so take it for what it's worth): Share this stuff with your H or W. Let them know what you're doing and why. If they wish to participate, fine. If not, at least they know about it and can check it out at their leisure if they like. This should not in any way alter the honesty of your posts though. If it simply becomes a forum for 'see I posted this, it must be true' then what may be a valuable tool for some would be ruined.
And thanks to all who've tried to help... Despite appearances I do in fact know it is a very difficult thing for GC as well. Telling the truth and trying to repair the damage we create as we meander through this life is the hardest challenge we face. I do respect that about GC, if little else at this point. It was a very difficult thing to do and I admire it greatly.
And if you are reading this and haven't taken that first step... Haven't come clean... I implore you to do so now. You may think there is a good time, a perfect time, but waiting only compounds the problem... Allows you to hide another day... Takes more moments of time that we cannot reclaim. Life is too terribly short to waste waiting to make things right. Do it while time and opportunity are yours to take advantage of and before fate strips you of your chance.
