My W has been trying to tell me she is choosing ME, and not OM. Now, being hurt back then (I still am) made it that much harder to believe her. And I WANTED to believe her. Every day she would tell me she loved me, and she wanted me to trust her. I wanted to believe so much that my hurt simply blinded me about her motives. I didn't know WHAT to believe. It will be hard earning her trust back. Your H needs to EARN your trust back, and that will TAKE TIME. A LOT OF IT!!!
I fully understand that this will take time. And I'm willing to continue to say and show him that I mean everything I say. I think it's the showing that I need some advice on what to do for him. I have decided to do one grand gesture - a tattoo with his name. He has been part of my life for so long, that I'm not worried if we do end up splitting up. He will always be a part of me.
Don't rush this thing. I know it is hard to convince him that you are changing, but the M also needs to change. He will come around if you stick it through. If you need to vent, or cry, or just get emotional over stuff, just do it here, and away from others if you can. I find myself not crying anymore, but I too get a teary-eye every once and a while. We are all human, after all.
I do stay away. I've pretty much ditched all friends who know about the A and I'm left with basically one couple who we hang out with. They are nice people.
All I can say is to keep validating him, listen to him, do the things that you know are right in order to change the dynamic of your R. Stay away from negative people - those that mean well like family and friends, and keep your PMA up! Remember PATIENCE.....it will take time.
No family knows about this. And like I said, I ditched those that do. Validating is the hard part. I keep wanting to tell him that I'm not that person when he brings up all the bad things that I did during the A (lying, stealing his love, giving it to others). I tried saying "I understand how it feels that way" but the words "but it WASN'T" sometimes slip out. grrrr
Understand that your H will struggle with this, I still do. I've just learned to control most of my anger - against my will, but it is the SANE thing to do!!! Just give him space when he needs it, and take care of yourself too! I've learned the hard way that my anger only pushes my W away - it does nothing else!!! So I am learning to cope and stay focused on the positives. It is hard to do at times but you will see the changes.
Hang in there.......
Thanks. I know it's tough for him. We had something special and I trashed it for something that was NOT worth it at all.
I do appreciate your input and hope things are going well with you. She's home right?
