He is sooooo angry and all I want to do is make things better.
I so understand where you are at. This may be helpful and it may not, but I'll say it anyway. When I was a kid, I LOVED cats, but I didn't understand until much later how to get my cats to love ME. As a child, I just wanted to hug it, squeeze it, smother it, chase it....I mean, I just wanted to love it right? Well, we learn as we get older that we have to let the cats come to us. We have to earn their trust-by feeding them daily, changing their litter, and being there when THEY want affection. Eventually, they'll let us give them snuggles even if they are initiated by us and not them. That's what you need to do for your H right now sweetie. You need to regain his trust by consistently being the VERY best person you can be. H is not your confidante right now, he is not there to assure you or make you feel better in any way. You need to get that either from these boards, a friend (ahem, a FEMALE friend), or your therapist. If he tells you that he doesn't want to hear what YOU want, then that indicates to me that he really just needs you to listen to him, even when he asks you questions. When he asks you questions, try to find a way to validate his feelings as opposed to telling him yours. Validation doesn't mean you have to agree with what he is saying, but it tells him you understand why he feels that way right now. BTW, the c-word is arguably over the edge, but I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt because he's just had a sword driven through his heart. Certainly though, do not let things get to the point of verbal abuse. A book I found very helpful is called "I Don't Have to Make Everything all Better". It's a good book on validation and being a good listener. And wait for him to come to you.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
