BND: I am totally with you in that regard. I do not believe in Divorce. But I do believe in some things being totally beyond our control. I do not have any regrets for trying to save my marriage and for standing as long as I did. But I started to live again when I finally said "ENOUGH". This doesn't mean I believe it is right for everyone and it has nothing to do with any other person. It just became something that I knew I couldn't fix. And yes, some days I still wonder why. But I don't wish him back - EVER.
I totally understand! I just think it is not something to wait around for. Apology or repentance of sorts might come some day or NEVER.
The old H did a lot of stupid things. But he always owned up to them and apologized and promised to make things better. I know, I know, but he really did try. When MLC hit - it was a whole different ballgame.
Part of me believes that even if he regrets (and he has been known to admit that to the kids or earlier on to me) that he can't talk about it much. Because in doing so - he admits that "ow" is wrong. Now, they are married. He would feel he was doing her a disservice in admitting ANYTHING to me. His loyalty changed the day he moved out. I found it so hard to believe but in his mind it made everything ok. SO, apologizing just wouldn't fit his scenario.
Does that make any sense to you? In my case I think it is a big part of it.
That is really what I was hoping for. It is not pleasant to have an ENEMY. Someone who is so mean to you, can't even phone your house without a scene. That makes every family event an unpleasant affair. That is so unfair to the kids. So, yes, it there were some way to make it better - that is what I would desire.
If I had a choice between having more peace and harmony versus anger and resentment between me and my xw. I'd much prefer peace and harmony.
I believe that we are all are on a journey to return to God. It is a destination all of us are traveling towards and eventually will reach.
I also believe that God and Love are the same thing. So as we journey towards God, we are also traveling towards love. It is what we all desire and what the world so desperately needs, more love.
That's an interesting perspective. Peace, harmony, love and faith - those are all things to aim for in our lives. Avoidance has worked for me in order to achieve the first 2 but I've never lost sight of the rest. Regardless of how peaceful and harmonious things are - one is always aware of something missing, something wrong. It never really goes away if it isn't resolved.
But, as you know - it takes 2 to Tango. I do believe that when you offer peace - it is more likely to be returned. However, many can remember the dozens of broken olive branches I held onto.
But I don't aggravate. I don't have expectations. I don't attack. I have gone forward and let it be. Perhaps that is the best way. It doesn't make things worse and it doesn't make the setting unpleasant. Always open to the possibility of trying to maintain peace.
