Barb, I'm chiming in late and the thread has kind of morphed into different topics. But my first impression of the facts you lay out is that he wants something. Possibly (at first I said probably, trying to be kind) attention. If that's the only way he can reconnect it has its good and bad points. Don't forget the narcissistic issues he seems to have. I'm no shrink either, so take that for what it's worth. It may always be it's all about him, and that's where the blame game comes in.
For others, about closure, I agree, it's a process. And forgiveness comes in here. I believe while you can come to accept what people do, forgiveness is available more easily to those who ask for it. I learned to accept what my X did. I am leaning toward forgiving him under the impression that he did the best he could being who he is. I keep trying but not there. Even an apology would not bring closure to me, it would take admitting that it was all a big mistake. And that may not be true in his mind. And then anyway so what? You can't ever go back.
But Barb back to you I admire your thinking about the future. You seem able to plan for that, the connections and how the interactions will work. Maybe he's thinking about that also. If so, let him in. He may be coming out of the fog in that way. Cheers, Wonder
