I hope you are feeling better. Did bringing this subject up about your XH lead to your dizziness? I'm curious if old feelings and emotions have been stirred by his contact?
I have not had any communication with my XW since prior to the D which has been over 6 years.
Yes, I to would like to hear, I'm sorry, I made a mistake, I was wrong, please forgive me.
Will it happen? I believe in all possibilities.
Maybe she won't say these things to me until we both pass from the physical world to the non-physical world.
Then again, she may never say anything VERBALLY to me ever again.
But she does communicate with me. By her not looking at me and speaking with me when we are at family functions tells me that she still has issues, she is still filled with anger, resentment and a great deal of pain.
I also realize that beneath all of those negative emotions is love for me.
I have been told by others that they know of her love for me presence even though she does not speak of it.
There are many things we can sense and no to be true without others speaking a single word.
Tonality of voice, body language is a huge part of a persons way of expressing themselves.
Much of the anger and resentment projected towards us by our MLC spouse, is anger and resentment they have towards themselves.
As we have learned, it's not about us, it's about them and their issues that they struggle to deal with. They only think their issues are because of us. Their issues were present long before we came into their lives.
MLC people like all of us can go in and out of different levels of consciousness. Our minds can move back and forth from logical thinking to illogical thinking.
Moment to moment, hour to hour, day to day, we travel back and forth. For some of us we stay in one particular state of mind for longer periods of time. For others, they are Jekyl and Hydes and we never know who is going to show up.
My own rollercoaster of emotuions from feeling depressed to total euphoria can all occur in a 24 hour period.
I find myself in a state of peace and happiness the majority of my waking hours. But there are days when I slip back into the black hole of depression.
I much prefer the state of happiness versus the agony of depression.
I believe it may be such that a person in MLC or depression is like being in quicksand. The more they fight it the faster they sink. They keep fighting their inner demons and it only keeps getting worse.
It is my belief that your XH is starting to AWAKEN to some level of higher consciousness than he has been in the past. The fog is starting to lift and he is getting a glimpse of the damage from the plane crash that he created by flying the airplane into the mountain.
I'm sure he is not feeling good about what he is finally seeing and is struggling with the reality that he had some responsibility in creating this disaster.
This is just my observation and inner senses feeling sorry for your XH's pain.
