I posted here under MLC for over 3 years. My ex left 5.5 years ago. I moved to Surviving 2 years ago and still post. I went for the divorce. Ex said he never wanted one but had been living with maggot so long, I needed the financial settlement and some closure. No regrets. He became someone that none of us recognized. Cut all ties to family and friends. Does see the kids sometimes but it is not close. Kids (all over 18 now) refuse to accept OW (whom he married a little over a year ago) and so they see him for short periods of time and it is not cozy. SO....
He was drowning me in his insanity. He was nasty to me all the time. Only called when he wanted something and was always unpleasant. Cutting my ties to him was the best thing for me. I have moved on. I am happy.
He phoned a month ago during our annual Christmas party. It was a Sunday night (he only ever calls on Tuesdays). He knew it was our party and the house was full of family and friends. I think he wanted to make his presence known. Personally, I think he was feeling left out. WEIRD???? Anyway, the kids could barely speak to him - it was so noisy with holiday cheer and they had guests to return to.
2 weeks ago. Ex insists that D spend the afternoon in his house while he installs her car radio. She did NOT want to be there and let him know. He still insisted. He seemed to be trying to force her to accept his life as it is. She stayed and was ok about it.
Today is my birthday. Obviously Ex knows this. It was also his mother's birthday. She passed away 10 years ago. He phoned me today at 1 PM. Made no mention of the birthday. (it should be noted that I have not spoken to him on the phone in 4 months, nor did I wish to). He asked for D. I said she wasn't home. (Obviously he should know this - it was school hours). He asked if she was in school. To avoid being called a liar I told him she was at her coop placement (technically not in school). He told me her coop ended last Friday. Not sure where he got that from because it runs for 2 more weeks. He asked me to have her call him and it was detailed - different cel numbers before 4:30, home number etc. Then spoke to me like a secretary - very businesslike and impersonal. It was WEIRD!
Tonight my son from Toronto called to wish me a Happy Birthday. While we were talking he told me his call waiting beeped and it was his father calling. He said "That's weird, dad is on the line. WHy is he calling? He never calls". WIth that, Ex phoned D. Said he was trying to get through to son. D said "He's talking to Mom". He seemed to think that was strange.
My dad was here throughout and asked D how her father was doing. She looked at him and said "he told me how much he misses you and Uncle Wayne (my sister's H)- he REALLY REALLY misses you". My dad said to her "I always loved your father". She left the room and I just said "dad that was weird". My dad said how much it has hurt him that Ex changed overnight into someone that none of us knew anymore. He was like a son to him and it hurt him to see what he had done to his family.
In 5.5 years my H has never expressed regret (other than when he returned home for a week and wanted to try again). He maintains that he met and married his soulmate and the rest of us needed to "get over it and move on".
I don't want my Ex back. I would like to have a better R for the sake of our kids. I would like some closure if it were ever possible. (for those of you who were wondering - closure does NOT come with divorce).
But I want to know if this is how reconnection starts. Or is it just another blip on the screen and the alien poking his head out of his gopher hole???
