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I have not done much calling him but I think he still sees me as being "with him." So, how do I make him feel the loss of me and make him feel #1 all at the same time... I am sorry if I sound like an idiot, but I have always been a very straightforward person and communicating feelings has always been verbal. A part of me thinks that my hubby wants to see this change "in action" not "in words"



Just be a fabulous listener when he is around, give him attention when he's there, ask him lots of impersonal questions about work and get him to talk as much as possible. With my husband, during our marriage we took a lot of evening walks. We live in a hilly area with beautiful views and we'd take strenuous hikes. During the divorce I told him I missed our evening walks and didn't feel safe going by myself. I told him if he was bored he was welcome to come on a walk with me. No strings attached!!! "friendship only," and we needed to be friends "for the kids' sake" . I would talk very little about myself, and just ask him tons of questions and let him talk. I figured, even if the divorce went through this was good dating practice. I'd also bake stuff "for the kids" (I do love baking so this is not unusual... also I don't eat what I bake... need to keep my size 3!!!) so I'd give him goodies every so often, but down play the significance. "Oh, I just happened to make banana bread....I hate to see it go to waste and end up in the trash... so just in case you might enjoy it take some home...."

At the same time I was doing this I also worked on having a great life without him. I'd go out with friends a lot. He'd take the kids out to dinner once a week and those nights I'd go out with my girlfriends looking HOT!!! In addition, I always kept the house clean and comfortable. I'd try to make it a place where anyone would want to be. Besides spending lots of time with friends and developing my life, I did a lot of fun family things with the kids. I'd take them to fairs and other events and I'd bring a camera along and always take pictures (so my husband could see what he was missing!!!). Quite honestly I had a lot of fun during my divorce. I used to joke that I felt 16 again but had a car, credit card, and I could go into any bar and had no curfew!!!! (You have to realize I had never been in a bar in 20 years of marriage so this whole thing was new to me).

Since you're not in divorce I can't recommend this. But going to the movies with girlfriends, having lunch, showing your husband you're happy and having a great life.. and he could be part of it if he wants! Is good. Also, do special things with the kids. Fun family things. I'd take my kids to fairs, events, etc.. take photos and give them to my husband (so he could see what he was missing).


There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.