Wow, this is my new favorite website. I feel so blessed that there are other people out here willing to help me and support me through this hell I am in. This is so freakin hard. Newest update: WAH came over last night to pick up some bills and stayed for about an hour. Without my saying anything to prompt, he told me he loved me so much and that he loved our girls but did not want to come home... I said I understood but that I had to keep moving forward for my own sake. I also told him that I would keep a window open for reconciliation even if it took him awhile. I then asked him to be careful about what he says in front of our daughters (ages 3 and 5). They are starting to pick up on the situation and I feel it is best to leave them in the dark until we know what we were doing. He then said something that really made me upset and I just couldnt hold it in.... He said regardless of what he decides to do, our kids will be uneffected.... AHHHHHH!!!! My husband's parents have been married 40 years and will admit to having some rough times but always managing to work through it. I, on the other hand, am the daughter of 2 people who could not put their differences aside long enough to both attend my wedding (Messy Relationship and even messier divorce.) They had a very love hate relationship that put us 4 kids in constant termoil and grief. I remember feeling alone and abandoned by my father at a very young age. I want to protect my children from that feeling if at all possible and I dont understand why he doesnt get how important that is. I did not attack him like I wanted to, I only said that as the product of a divorce, I was very aware of how that outcome could effect our children and that I thought he was underestimating the importance of family stability in a child's environment. He then said he was scared that he would come home and not feel any happier. I said that I was scared too but was willing to try when he is ready. He then said that he doesnt like the way I make him feel about himself...WOW! That was shocking. I feel like I have spent at least the last 5 years of our relationship taking all the responsibility for our family and babying him because he works incredibly long hours at a strenuous job (which I thought he deserved.) I know that he is not just saying this to hurt me. So I sorda have my answer. I have to change the way I make him feel (like thats not a hard task -lol) The feeling I was getting from him was that he felt like I did not put him #1 in my life and that made him feel hurt enough to leave. Again this is news to me, I told him I was proud of us for communicating so well and that I understood completely. I am sooooo confused how to give him space, work on my life, not talk about anything until he initiates, AND express to him that he is #1. That is a seriously fine line to walk. I need some advice from all you pro's out there on how to implement this technique (please use examples for I am far too spaced out to read between the lines)
What is your opinion. My first thoughts are that he needs to feel the loss (like one of the kind posts said.) I have been pretty available to him most of the entire 3 weeks. I have not done much calling him but I think he still sees me as being "with him." So, how do I make him feel the loss of me and make him feel #1 all at the same time... I am sorry if I sound like an idiot, but I have always been a very straightforward person and communicating feelings has always been verbal. A part of me thinks that my hubby wants to see this change "in action" not "in words" Please help, I think I might drop the $150 bucks on a counseling session? Anyone else done this? Did it help?
