New here - W unwilling to work on it

[30andLost]

Update:

I went over to get the kids to school on my regular Thursday yesterday. While I was there she offered me a cup of coffee. Not to make it for me or anything, but she said "there's coffe made if you want some." In a nice voice and everything. I told her "No, but thank you." That seemed good to me.

When I picked up the kids that night and took them home. I noticed the dishwasher needed to be emptied so I did that and put the few dishes in the sink back in the empty dishwasher. She hates to empty the dishwasher so I thought that this would be nice for her. When she got home again I immediately left before she could even close the door when she walked in not even looking at her but just saying bye to the kids. She texted me later saying thank you for emptying the dishwasher. Another little good thing. She also called but I was in my SLAA meeting so I couldn't answer, which is good because I probably would have answered had I not been busy.

I called her back around 9 and she was in bed and told me to call her this morning around 6 so we could talk about her February work schedule. Our anniversary is Feb 22 and I planned (and paid for) a weekend out of town on the 23,24,25. So I was immediately paniced that she was going to work one of those days so we couldn't go, effectively cancelling our anniversary plans.

I wrote my question to her to hold those days open so that I was kind and loving and not accusing. I said, "You don't have to committ to anything right now, or make a decision, but would you be willing to hold the weekend of the 23rd open?" She said, "For our Anniversary trip?" I said, "Yes." She said "Yes. I can hold those days open for now."

This is a true breakthrough for me! It means that she isn't abandoning our future yet! I still need to just keep working my SLAA recovery, therapy, and DR techniques. It seems that when I truly do give her absolute space and absence from me, that she really turns the corner. I have to keep this up, no matter what personal pain it causes me.

Hopefully if I give her absolute darkness until Feb 13, I may be able to buy her something for V-day.

I'll keep you posted.