New here - W unwilling to work on it

[30andLost]

Here is how I responded - word for word. I wrote it down after much discussion with family and my S.L.A.A. sponsor. I did have GAL activities planned, but I had to be sure to be kind and loving in my response, and non-combative, because I do want our R to work, but not if she's going to rake me over the coals for the rest of my life. So here goes:

"As much as I would love to be there for you and the boys tonight, I just can't do it tonight. I'm working with a sponsor in my love addict recovery and its important for me to use this time to get to work on my recovery. That has to be my #1 right now. I don't want you to not call when you need me, but I just can't do it tonight."

Her response was "That's ok." I repeated "I'm sorry." She repeated "That's ok." end of conversation.

This morning when I went over to take the kids to school she was ok and even offered me a cup of coffee. I take them to school on Tues. & Thurs. because she has to be to school early and can't make it if she has to take the kids. I also pick them up on those days because she works after school and can't pick them up. Then she get's home, and I leave, using all of my resolve to not say ILY or IMU or have any R talk at all. I am trying not to have any talk with her because it just stresses me out and gives me false hope, I believe. I also think that it is part of "going dark" that I've heard throughout these groups.

Thanks for the input!