New here - W unwilling to work on it

[30andLost]

Thank you so much. I did do the begging thing at first, and that was hard to quit. The questions about what she was doing, who she was doing it with was hard. I found myself checking her cell phone records and e-mail, but what I found hurt more than it helped, plus it is a HUGE invasion of her space, so that is done. Hard to do, but I've got to be strong, for me, her, and the kids. We see each other almost everyday because of the kids and I'm helping to accomodate her work and school schedule so the "going dark" thing that I've read about is hard. Not even sure how to do it correctly. I was telling her ILY and IMY everytime I saw her, but my therapist tells me that I've got to make her miss me. I still try to do nice things for her if I can. Like this morning it is freezing here so I started the car for her and took her things out and put them in for her. No ILY or anything, just "good luck at school"; and not in a condecending way either just to be clear. I also cleaned up the backyard on my weekend at home with the kids, and she did notice and said "the yard looks good." I take that as hope because she DIDN'T say "don't try to help me you F-ing A-hole!"

I am working on me for me, because in the end, if she does leave me or file the Big-D, I will be all I have to make me happy (and the kids of course too, but I view them as almost seperate from our sitch).

Not looking forward to my SLAA meeting tonight, but maybe I'll learn something that can help me deal with my issues.

Another Q: Should I keep helping her, aside from the kids, when she asks? Or do I really force her to do things on her own since she wants to be separated?

Thanks for everything! Please keep helping, this was a huge boost.