Sorry guys, I'm gonna have to differ somewhat from this line of thought, including some of what Greg is saying if I am getting his point.
I don't agree that there is always a missing need in someone who is having an affair. If this were always the case, then spouses who's partners are in the hospital for extended periods of time would always have affairs. Not the case at all.
I think that in many cases, stuff just happens. We/they don't plan it, don't know how to handle it when it comes along, and we/they spend the rest of our lives trying to find reasons or rationalizing it.
I am not trying to excuse myself, or any of the other left behinds, sure we aren't perfect. Neither am I trying to excuse our WA's, they made the choice for themselves. I am also not talking about habitual offenders, but a first time occurance.
What I am trying to say is that no matter who you are, how rich, how good looking, how loving, etc., there is always going to be someone out there that has more of whatever you have. If that person happens to come along at the right time in your spouses life (a weak moment), with just the right line or approach, I would say that the chances are better than even that they are going to fall.
Maybe this sounds fatalistic, I prefer to think of it as realistic. Be assured that I am not saying that this is always the case, just in many cases.
Beating up ourselves, or our spouses, from now on about the why's, the missing needs, or anything else, just doesn't seem to be very productive. Yes, we made mistakes as well as our WA's did. We can't go back and chenge what happened to either of us. We can only do the best we can to insure that it doesn't happen again, and that we provide the best loving environment we can for the future.
If you know that you did something wrong in your (which all of us do) relationship, admit it to yourself and stop doing it again. Forgive yourself and your partner for being weak and imperfect. If you can both do that, then the chances are better that you and your partner can work things out.
