Quick Question - Strange Email from XW

[Confused_in_AZ]

Thanks for your note Jet. Congrats on the progress in your own stich. Sounds great. I believe I am in the same boat as you were at the beginning....door is open but she is the one that needs to knock. Like you, I would take her back but under the right terms....taking things slow, dating again, etc.

Figure I am going to continue with what I am doing. Found out the other night that XW has continued seeing her therapist which is good I guess. Wonder what is said about me in those sessions!

[Jet]

6 to 8 months ago, I would not have had any terms on reconciling. Amazing how detaching and GAL can change your perspective.

Continuing to see the therapist is a good thing for your ex. An emotionally healthy person can see things more clearly. If your ears begin burning, you will know that you are being dragged through the mud during one of her sessions. :-)

Jet

[Confused_in_AZ]

GALing and time does bring new perspectives. And you are right, I would not have had any terms months ago for her to return. Now, it is definately different. Question for you, I am wondering if you feel the same in your stitch as I do. The last couple times we have met, it really seems and feels like when we were first dating. Easy going, be yourself, etc. Not sure if that is because the pressure of the R is off, if it is because we have been through so much emotional crap the past couple years or if the nature of our realtionship has changed....just curious.

[Jeff223]

Luck. Please keep this thread going. Right now my W is so focused on the divorce "piece of paper" that I am certain that reconciliation will only come later (if ever).

BTW how long have you been divorced? Could you also please summarize you background or point me at a prior thread? I am also interested in how you maintained your friendship.

[Confused_in_AZ]

Jeff,

First, sorry to hear about your mom....hope she is doing better.

You can find several of my threads around. Going through this about two years with the D final in Aug 06. Basically as the story goes, she told me she was not happy, went through a year of counciling and she finally spilled all of the beans in the final session. Probably going through an early MLC (we are 31, were married just over 9 years) brought on with the thought of having kids. I was not ready then and I guess she was but never communicated that.

From my viewpoint, I have had a no contact policy in place. When the D was final, that was my cue to GAL and to begin moving on without her. We had been seperated for almost a year and a half and not moving forward. I did some major changes and growing up emtionally and really am better for it.

I hold no grudge with her. The ball was in her court to change and until she did, I realized I could not have a R with her.

She calls or contacts me about once every three weeks to get together. Before was to deal with issues, bills, papers, mail, etc but now it seems as if she is trying to find a reason.

Hope that helps to give you some insight.

[Jeff223]

Thanks sir. When I first joined here I did read some of your stitch but I lost track of you somehow. I will look around to catch up - thanks for responding.

Funny, I guess when I first joined I was looking for a "quick fix". Now I am looking for threads along this line.

[Confused_in_AZ]

I was the same way. I think it is the male mindset. Fix now, worry later. I really can't complain though. I have learned soooo much about ME through this process. What I want, who I am, etc. Just wish it was not so painful. Either way, these boards are the best....no matter the outcome. Everything will work itself out in the end.

Keep me posted on your situation.

[Jet]

Confused,

This past weekend was the first time we have been together in a quiet enviornment. Since the divorce, we would see each other at the exchange of our son, at his events etc...

I agree with you that I was much more relaxed with her over the weekend because there was no pressure. It wasn't quite like dating since we did not do anything without our son but it was a bit strange that in some ways it was like we had not missed a beat.

Now knowing that she is interested in trying to work things out, the apprehension has started to creep back in. I have to stay focused and not let it change me back into that worry wart that she grew to dislike when we were struggling in the marriage. It is the relaxed and comfortable guy that she began to notice returning that reopened her eyes in the first place.

Jet

[Confused_in_AZ]

Ahhhhh! Very familiar. Here is what I do...and again, I also would take my XW back under the right situation.....I just keep telling myself that it is not my turn to try. I have done everything that I can do, and nothing is going to change until she is ready to try.

While it still gets me confused after meeting with her (like why does she want to meet in the first place), it does help to stave off any possible heartache!

Keep going with the easy going Jet. That is probably the guy that she married and it has just taken a while for us to return to the guys they orginally married. Now only if they could change........

[Confused_in_AZ]

As an update. Got a call about 6:30 this evening from the X asking if I was home. She had a piece of mail for me from the PO Box since my mail forward has not gone through yet. A card from a friend.

Comes over, stops in for a cup of tea and stays until 9pm!!!! WHY????????

Again, such a comfortable conversation. She complained about work and what they are doing there. Told me that she again does not really have a social life and all.

At the end, I think I probably messed up a bit. Offered her a copy of Phoenix Mag which highlights the good resturants in town. She said that she really didn't have the time to go right now. I told her that I would take her to some new place then. She said that she didn't want me to feel like I needed to take her for pity. I left it at that. She then told me about how she went and saw a movie alone this past Saturday night.

Am I being stupid and not realizing the hints that she is dropping or what?????? I really don't want to force something and really am afraid to try to open a door that she doesn't want opened. Not sure what to do??? Do I take the risk and ask her out on a date or what?

While I am dating someone now, I know for the right situation I would take my XW back in a heartbeat. Wow, never thought I would be in this situation?