Hello all! Been a while since I have posted. Doing well in my new life. My D went final about six months ago and while the holidays were a bit difficult, I survived them.
I have a question for you all and hoping for some feedback to prepare for a meeting with the XW tonight.
Some background. Our D ended nicely and have remained friends, usually get together for coffee or dinner about once per month. Met with her before the holidays which I bought her a gift and she baked some items for me. We talked for about four hours (longest time we have spent in a long while). She talked about how her dad is sick but getting better and grilled me on a new gal that I have been dating for several months. At the end of the night, we hugged and when I started pulling away, she kept me there in the embrace. Was that uncomfortable "should I kiss you or not" embrace at the end. I didn't and left shortly afterward. Sent her an email when I got home letting her know that I was there if she needed anything.
Well, did not hear from her until yesterday when she sent me an email with the subject line of "Can I See You?". Told me she wants to get together for a cup of coffee or "whatever". I got worried something was wrong with her father so I called and told her to call me and that I was worried something was wrong. She emailed back saying nothing wrong....that she "has mail for me". Normally she would have told me that in the original email but she didn't which makes me think something is up.
Trying to mentally prepare for what is coming. Anyone been here before? I feel stupid trying to analyze this when it might turn out to be absolutely nothing!
Thanks for the insight!
CIAZ M 7/97 S 5/05 D 8/06 Both 33 years old No kids
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
I guess I would go meet her with the mindset that she is just bringing you mail but have a tenative plan in case it is something else.
My friend who D her H several years ago, told me that she didn't realize how much she loved her H until she discovered he was dating...my friend was engaged to be married. She immediately broke off her engagement and went to H to tell him that she wanted to work on reconciling. They remarried and have been married for two years this time. My friend said that there marriage is now better than it ever was in the past.
I am not trying to give you false hope but be prepared that you dating has jarred her into reality.
Good luck and keep us posted.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
Thanks Teach! That is exactly what I am planning to do. Go with the flow of things and see where they go. I was curious to see if others had the same viewpoint.
I think it might have jarred her a bit. Before the D, I was still slightly pursuing, didn't "give up" if you will until the papers were signed. After that, I knew she made her decision and started to go on with my "new life". Now, six months later, I know that she is not happy, that she doesn't have a life of her own. She also saw some friends of ours several weeks ago which probably jogged some old memories of when we were dating.
I just can't believe that the reason that she sent the email is to give me my mail. Is that really that important to HER??? And the subject line is what gets me most...."Can I See You?".
Will keep all informed.
CIAZ M 7/97 S 5/05 D 8/06 Both 33 years old No kids
As a woman, I can't see myself sending that kind of subject for mail unless you had not been having contact and then I think I would have sent something like, I have some mail for you???
I wouldn't at all be surprised if she is having second thoughts about her decision, that would explain all the questions about the person you are dating.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
I was very hesitant to mention my new interest to XW. Didn't want to seem to rub it in her face. During her questioning about her, I did make a point to mention that I was taking things extremely slow and even after months of dating, we had not (and still have not been intimate). That is out choice on both of our parts as we both are getting out of long term relationships (me marriage, her engagement). XW mentioned how she has not been dating and has not even been asked out on a date yet. I think I said something supporting her and to make her feel good about her self….they don't know what they are missing…etc. She responded with the fact that she has no life and sits a home most weekends. Complete opposite of me. GALing was my first priority after the papers were signed. While XW knew I was not for the D, I told her that I would not fight it in anyway. It was her decision and while I did not believe the same way, I would support her decision. In AZ, your D is like going through MickyD's…..60 days and it is done! Crazy!
Thanks for the insight. Curious to see what might come of tonights conversation. Very curious as communicating feelings is not one of her strong points. Apparently she had been very unhappy and hit a "wall" if you will which is why we got divorced. Probably figured it was me that was the source but actually her. Hence the email. Also, I was just at our PO Box on Wed and there was no mail for me there. Not sure what she has then for me. Should be interesting.
CIAZ M 7/97 S 5/05 D 8/06 Both 33 years old No kids
Met my XW last night for coffee. Gave me my mail and the evening really seemed to become a therapy session on me. For 90% of the encounter, I was questioned on my life, my new interest, etc. We talked a bit about her sick father and how she got contacts for the first time in her life but for the most part, she focused the conversation on me. At one point, even mentioned how she doesn't have a life and that I have a relationship and a life. At the end of the conversation, she makes the comment that "it is funny that we might be better off as friends". I walked away from the situation feeling odd to say the least. Like there was a big white elephant in the room but no one wanted to talk about it.
Then, as we were saying goodbye, she throws her cheek out to me to give her a kiss and then we hug. Now, must admit that I did kiss her on the cheek when I arrived as I always have done since the beginning of our separation. Strange.
CIAZ M 7/97 S 5/05 D 8/06 Both 33 years old No kids
Sounds like she was testing the waters, do you think that she was trying to find out if there is any room in your life for her now? I get the feeling that she was waiting for you to tell her that the woman you are dating is not that important. Was she wanting you to say that you want to be more than friends?
I am not trying to give you false hope but sometimes woman don't say what they mean and she may be afraid of being rejected by you.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
Thanks for the insight. I am not sure. I too thought that she was testing the waters. If you read through my stitch, I think she is/has gone through a MLC even thought we are early early 30s. Probably brought on with the idea of starting a family.
I have pretty much cut contact from her. No reason for me to call her or anything. Occasionally something will come across my email that she might be interested in knowing so I will forward.....like tonight. A friend sent me an interesting article so I sent it to her. We will see what the response is.
I don't want to give myself false hope either. While I still love her and always will, she is the one that needs to voice reconciliation. I agree with her, we are absolutely great friends, which to me, is the basis of a great marriage. I have never known someone to complete me like she does for me. Very interesting.
Well, I guess time will tell. Really don't want to go out on a limb again like I did during our seperation. Been there and just not ready to put myself out there for her again unless she is willing to do so as well on her side. Hope this makes sense.
CIAZ M 7/97 S 5/05 D 8/06 Both 33 years old No kids
It sounds like your ex might have been checking to see if her safety net was still around. She may not know exactly what she wants right now but could be concerned that you are becoming less of an option.
I believe that my ex liked the idea I was "stuck" and couldn't move on. The dynamics did not change between us until she began to see I that I was looking back less and less.
