Think that "escalation into a fight" happens when I dig further for more answers than H is willing to give at that time, or when I do not "understand" the rationale behind his answers. Most times, H tends to FORGET and move on pretty quickly, and he would be the one trying to cajole me back to normality with "still angry?". I guessed I TRY VERY HARD to not hold a grudge and move on. Overall, I think H has been trying hard to make amends for his mistakes...but it takes time to mend our M, it will take awhile to have the trust rebuilt again...all this with the daily stress of coupledom, i.e. mortgages, kids, etc etc.
Do you avoid certain subjects in hopes of preventing another episode? I don't think AVOIDANCE is the answer in my case. I just try to ask it in a different way, or different time. Or different method. So far, in terms with ow. I ask one question, and get one straight answer and I don't force more questions onto H until another "suitable" time. That seems to be okay. It's only when I push and push that ugliness will follow.
I'm asking because my H hates to talk through old scenes, and the tension remains a wedge between us. Just wondering.... Think MEN hate to go back to OLD SCENES. If it has been settled or somewhat discussed, they would think that the topic is closed and it's time to move on. Going back to old scenes is akin to "NAGGING", I would think.
One thing that I notice that my H hates is my crying!! He gets real p!ssed off when I cry. He thinks that I am losing control and breaking down and he will start to be angry. BUT I really can't help it. Have really shallow tear ducts. I could even cry while watching cartoons...happy or sad ones. I cried when Nemo's mommy got eaten by the big fish! So, next step is to get H to accept that even if I cry, it doesn't mean that I am breaking down.
