It bothers me when others think they have everything figured out for both themselves and other people. There is not a person on this sight that has the expertise (not sure it even exists) to tell another person that X amount of time and Y amount of "healing" needs to take place before you are capable of moving into a relationship with another. Personal experiences are, by their nature, personal. My only problem with any of this discussion is the assumption being made about what is going on and what is not going on.
How dare anyone tell me that should I meet another right now that the relationship is doomed because it's only been four months since my wife left my life for good? And I'm not saying that I want or am looking for a relationship right now. But it seems to me that the decision whether to or not is a personal decision.
Yes, people on here have hurts and people on here have be denied the love that was a daily part of their lives at one point. Does that make us more susceptible to moving into romance? Perhaps. Is there any chance that perhaps two people would be brought together by having shared similar circumstances and find that there was a connection between them? Again, I would say perhaps.
In the end the people who inhabit this board are adults. For the most part, responsible, caring adults who have come here because they had a great desire to try and salvage the life long love that they had shared with another person who has now abandoned them in every conceivable way a person can be abandoned. To suggest that should two of these people meet and develop a relationship that one or both of them are in some way relationship predators is way out of line in my opinion.
I'm not sure what the answer is. Life moves on and people move on. Our hearts are not static. When another person causes our hearts to move, and particularly if the experience is mutual, I'm not sure what the expectations are by some on this board.
Until about two or three weeks ago I would have told you that I would never love again, that there would never be another person that I would feel that way for in my life. Where was the rush of posters at that time telling me how silly that notion was? There was none. Where were all the learned people on this site saying, now Bill, you're just being silly, you're only 45, of course you'll find love again. Again, there were none. I was perfectly willing to believe that, should my wife never return (and God knows that she never will if you saw how she reacts around me), I would spend the rest of my life alone. And I'll be honest and say that the idea did not appeal to me very much. In fact it made me quite sad.
We're all looking for hope of various kinds. Would I like to think that one day my wife will wake up from this bizarre life that's she now living and come back seeking to rebuild what we once had? OF COURSE!!! Every fiber of my being would want that. But I can see that this is NEVER happening. EVER. In fact, she'll be married to another long before she ever moves back in my direction.
So maybe I'm deciding that I'm not happy with the prospects of 40 more years alone. Is that so bad?
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
