Wow, well if you ask me the post here is right on target. In my time here I have seen people post about rebound relationships made here that resulted in complete emotional devastation yet again. Often people who were in the worst shape to begin with. They didn't heal from the first problem, and then they have to relive it with a new one.
The issue is really more generic. I went to a Divorce Care program a few years ago. One of the men in our group was there because his wife left him, and he found relief in a relationship soon after she left. He was not yet divorced, never mind in a good emotional state. When that relationship ended he found himself right back where he started, not able to cope with any of it. Then he realized what he needed to do. Become whole within himself. And he did, took another two years to focus on himself, his children, and later met a woman that he eventually married. He did want a partner, we all want that. But not in the circumstances of emotional rescue. That's a bad scene and has no chance of success.
I see people here talking about dating as a way of getting through the pain. I even posted a thread like this once about it. Until you have decided, really decided, the marriage is over, and have come to grips with the outcome and are on solid ground emotionally, and the divorce is done or is eminent, and it has been at least two years since the bomb (assuming you were in a long term relationship) forget about dating.
I think the number 1 year for every 7 in the relationship works fairly well. I felt I was ready after 3 1/2 half years. At that time I was not yet divorced (in case you don't know, the seriously troubled MLCers can really drag it on and I was standing for my marriage and also just knew I could not do it) but my now x-husband already had a 6 month old child with the other woman. A man had been pursuing me for two years, and I finally was able to accept that interest.
It did not work out the way I thought it might, but I am fine with it. I am whole. I reclaimed my identity and personality before getting involved again. It matters. A lot. Don't leave home without it. Cheers, a great post, thank you L. Wonder
