I just wanted to share something that I see happening to some of us here....it happened to me before H and I began the long road back together...
What am I talking about???
This place...it is wonderful for getting support, advice, help, and a feeling of not being a lone....but I see something else from time to time that concerns me greatly...I had it happen to me...we start sharing the most deepest intimate parts of our soul....our raw pain with others...then someone reaches out to us...we make that one "special" in our minds...we are all lonely...feeling abandoned...unloved....unlovable sometimes....and wondering if there will be love again...then that "special" person really reaches out to us....maybe email....then phone calls....before long there begins to be feelings...it feels so good....so right...so much like what we are wanting....no, what we are NEEDING...
This is were my concern is....because it happened to me...I met a very very nice man....he wanted to help me DB...I was there to support him...when things looked really hopeless he reached out to me...my heart tugged...next thing I know he is flying clear across the country to meet me....no....I didn't sleep with him....we kept seperate rooms (now I am so very very greatful for this)....we did hug and hold hands....it all felt so right
But then when he returned home I had to really sit and ask myself "Is this so right?"....in all honesty it wasn't.... I almost skipped a very important step....we all talk about fixing ourselves...making sure we are becoming the best person we can be....remember we want to be the best person for our returning spouses....for a new person...for ourself....but...and this is a biggy....if we skip that and find someone else....we halt our healing process...and worse if that someone is dealing with the same thing we are they halt theirs too...remember what led us here...it isn't ever just one side that strayed....one person that ruined the marriage....there is always two sides...two persons....even if at the time we thought we were wonderful....or if we realize that we did a lot of things to drive our mate away....it doesn't matter....we were part of the problem....and that problem takes time to fix....even if we don't get back together but really do start over and new with another person...and I have heard it said that it takes 1 year for every 7 years of marriage to heal from the divorce....I think that can be extreme but I do know that it takes longer then a few months...and in my case it took 2 years and then it was with my H...
So does anyone else have any thoughts on this....I am just wondering if you have seen this....I know there is the kidding....but then there is the type of flirting...and references to conversations by phone that you know things are becoming more involved on a personal level....
Just on my mind....something I think about often....especially now that H is back home with me....
