Quote: There was a compliment in there, but a direct compliment can be uncomfortable, right?
Actually, I now prefer direct compliments so that I can work on simply saying, 'thank you.'
Quote: I really want to hear how you work through this matter of getting comfortable with your vulnerability.
I've made tremendous strides with it in the sex department, but I still have a ways to go. As a matter of fact, I think you always have to stay just out of your comfort zone to keep vulnerability alive and thriving. At least with sex.
On another front... I think I mentioned that my brother and I were able to get past our differences and find some solutions with my dad... and I believe this was a direct result of me changing how I was acting/reacting to him.
I gave up attempting to control the situation, I gave up trying to manage it, I apologized to him, I explained how I was feeling, and then I started crying. I didn't do this to manipulate him to get my way... I could just see that my prior approach with him was not working... and it was because I was in 'battle' mode.
So I stopped competing with him, gave up the fight, allowed myself to be a vulnerable woman, and lo and behold... we started getting things done.... and he no longer minded that I OWNED the hospital while I was there. As long as I wasn't pushing him around, he had no problem with me staying on top of every single person in that place. And by golly I was... that was my Papa in there.
He even hugged me, and told me everything was going to be okay... so, I'm not so obtuse that I can't see when things WORK. Do I like crying in front of my brother and appearing to be a train wreck of a woman? No. But I like even less fighting with him and not getting some pressing issues resolved before he had to leave.
Your description of me creating my own problems is accurate. That's me. The way I STOP doing that is to get out of my own way and be what I am... a woman. A vulnerable woman. In the end, same results. But instead of getting to the end all bloody and bruised, I get to the end feeling a bit shakey, but lots and lots of hugs.
No matter how uncomfortable it makes me, I like these results better. I'm sure once it becomes second nature, it won't feel so foreign to me anymore.
