Can you believe I found a computer in a hospital? My dad is resting right now, so I wanted to give another little update.
For all the venting I did about my brother, we did manage to get beyond our differences and find our way to some solutions.
My father is slowing accepting that his life has to change, and there was a very sweet nurse who gave him the lowdown on what would happen to him if he *didn't* accept our help. It's a lot for him to swallow at once, but he has agreed to come home with me for a few weeks for his mandatory rest -- on condition that I "stay out of his hair, let him do his thing, and not fuss over him." I said okay.
My dad, I think I mentioned, is 74, and he works a courier route. He's fretting about giving up his job, and was complaining how all his 'people on his route' are going to miss him. While he was napping, one of the ladies he delivers to on his route showed up, brought him a card, and was just overjoyed that he has family who will be taking care of him. She said the first thing she is going to do when she gets back to work is start calling everyone on his route to let them know how he is doing, and let everyone know that his daughter is in to take him home, and he isn't alone. Dam, but I had tears in my eyes. They just love him.
Lou, if you are nicely accusing me of being an overachiever, I'm guilty as charged. As I sit in the hospital room, keeping watch over my dad, I feel like I'm living a scene from "Tuesday's with Mori." You are right, of course, I have to let up on myself. I really don't want to do life on my own, and I'm not so sure why I've been struggling so hard to keep it that way, except perhaps out of lifelong habit. It's a hard lesson to learn, but it seems that my god of choice works in mysterious ways.
As I sit and ponder life, I'm coming up with a plan for myself. A simple one, believe it or not. As the shrink said, I'm obsessive, and the best way to relieve stress for an obsessive is to plan, and then 'do.' Sounds simple, but MAN is it tough getting out of your own way, sometimes.
There is a career change I do want to make, but I've accepted that I'm going to have to work towards that rather than implement it tomorrow... just out of sheer determination. I've dropped off the list the things I just cannot change right now, I've dropped off the list all the 'little' things I seem to sweat buckets over... and I'm left with one or two managable things I can work toward. Gee... this stuff seems to work.
I've been humbled by my grouchy obstinate father, and I am thankful that my life is such right now that I can be here and sit with him for three days until I can get him home with me.
Thanks for all your support, everyone. (Hairdog, you crack my azz up, thanks for the laugh).
