Haven’t you been listening to us men? Your shrink is not saying anything different than what we’ve been saying. I’m starting to think that you, my wife, and so many other women on this board do the same thing – you are all protecting yourself from having your feelings hurt by a man, so you find ways to put up all kinds of obstacles that will trip him up, that really test his mettle to hang in there and prove beyond any doubt that he will always and forever stand by you and be devoted to you now matter what you decide to do or how you decide to treat him. What you are looking for is a rock solid guarantee. By the time you decide that poor man might actually pass your test, he’s already come to his senses, read the writing on the wall, and gone his own way.
I can totally empathize with why you do this and feel as you do. But at the end of the day, all this will get you is your own self fulfilling prophecy of being alone, just what you’re now complaining about. You probably have gained his respect, which I know is a major hot button for you, but at what price? Is respect really what you want or is that just a way to avoid admitting that what you really want is to be loved and that you are scared to have your feelings hurt? Maybe your recent anxiety attack is because you are running out of things to worry about, that there are no more battles to fight, or struggles to gain respect. Maybe now you have to confront that fact that you have gained what you always thought you wanted, only to find that you still have nothing, that what is really important is to know that all the self confidence, self reliance, self respect your have worked for all these years is just so you can sit back, trust, and stop fighting.
You have been fighting external and internal fights all your life. Maybe you found a sense of purpose, a sense of energy from being in the fight. Now that you have no one or nothing left to fight with, you feel lost? I agree with your shrink. I don’t think you are sick or unhealthy. You just need to sit back and enjoy the fruits of your fighting and come to the realization that you don’t have to fight anymore, and that is ok, just like scgtxok said.
