Jesus, your poor friend. That is so very sad. Hopefully he is finding help and support through his troubles.
Karen:
No, I don't have anyone here. I have a long-distance R with my bf, though we do see one anothe quite a bit. I seem to do much better when the kids are with me, for they are what I focus on... why I get up out of bed and do what I do everyday. My problem times seem to come when I am alone.
I have friends, certainly, but they are busy with their own lives. I did have an idea, one that I am going to check into... and that's going over to hang out at one of the retirement centers. There are so many people in them who are alone and would probably very much appreciate a visitor from time to time.
I'm going to check out the support group... who knows, maybe at some point I have something I can give back.
My doctor also recommended a book to me (another book? peels of laughter from the SSM crowd) called: "The Betrayal Bond" by Patrick J. Carnes. Here is the book description:
Exploitive relationships can create trauma bonds--chains that link a victim to someone who is dangerous to them. Divorce, employee relations, litigation of any type, incest and child abuse, family and marital systems, domestic violence, hostage negotiations, kidnapping, professional exploitation and religious abuse are all areas of trauma bonding. All these relationships share one thing: they are situations of incredible intensity or importance where there is an exploitation of trust or power. In The Betrayal Bond Patrick Carnes presents an in-depth study of these relationships, why they form, who is most susceptible, and how they become so powerful. He shows how to recognize when traumatic bonding has occurred and gives a checklist for examining relationships. He then provides steps to safely extricate from these relationships. This is a book you will turn to again and again for inspiration and insight, while professionals will find it an invaluable reference work.
I think I fit the bill for that one, so I'll check it out and let you know what I think. ANNNDDD while I was checking out his books, I came across this one, which I also bought:
Sexual Anorexia: Overcoming Sexual Self-Hatred
A first-time examination of sexual anorexia, an extreme fear of sexual intimacy and obsessive avoidance of sex, by the acknowledged leader in the treatment of compulsive sexual behavior and recovery. Author Dr. Patrick Carnes begins by defining sexual anorexia and demonstrating how it and its parallel disorder, sexual addiction and compulsivity, often arise from a background of childhood sexual trauma, neglect, and other forms of abuse, Carnes explores the numerous dimensions of sexual health, examining key issues which must be addressed and resolved for recovery to proceed. Utilizing extensive research and elucidating case studies, Carnes develops concrete tasks and plans for restoring nurturing and sensuality, building fulfilling relationships, exploring intimacy, and creating healthy sexuality. Woven throughout the book are stories of recovery which illustrate sexual healing principles, model new behavior, and support motivation for change.
I HIGHLY recommend anyone here who has an LD partner to look this book up and read the 'excerpts.' A lot of it nailed me, and it certainly goes along with my compulsive/controlling behavior(s). This may very well fit your bf, Lil.
