DBing works, just keep a positive attitude. Go rent the movie, "The Secret". It's all about attracting positive things in your life.
If possible DO NOT go into details regarding intimacy with OM. H is doing that to punish himself. He wants to know all the little details so that he can replay it in his head and torture him. He may have even asked you if you "liked it" "enjoyed it" "was OM better" etc. Just say to him without getting too emotional, picture the stop sign, "I'm sorry for what I did, but I don't see how this conversation is going to help you heal or make you feel better? I'm sorry for what I did. I love you and never meant to hurt you. Please forgive me. I'm going to go into another room now because things are getting escalated with us. So please excuse me. I don't want you to be hurt anymore." And then maybe just gently leave the room. But do this in a loving manner.
R, please know that you're a good person and yes, you did a hurtful thing, but now you're remorseful and sorry. Don't go down the path of hating yourself. I know how easy it is for us to do that. But self-loathing is not a good thing. Just keep saying to yourself that 'you're a loving person, a good person and that you WILL save your marriage'.
While I cannot gaurantee anything, I can say that your M is a STRONG one. And your H is very angry right now, but in time, he will heal. It's remarkable what time will do.
So stay strong. You're an amazing woman. You've overcome a lot of struggles in life. Just pray to God and while doing that, visualize a happy outcome for your marriage. Visualize a time when H will hold your hand and tell you that he loves you. This will have a HUGE IMPACT on your state of mind. Positive thinking and positive visualization.
Keep doing all the nice things you're doing for H and the kids. That is going to earn you MAJOR brownie points. H may not say much at first, but he's noticing...
Don't blame yourself so much, ok? Try to FORGIVE YOURSELF! It is a hard thing to do and you may find that even after H forgives you, you will have a hard time forgiving yourself.
You are a good person. Your beautiful heart just shines through and I can see the immense love you have for your H and children.
One day at a time. Meditate on the positive things you want to see happen. Say the positive affirmations everyday. Come here on the boards and post and cry and get it off your chest. Continue to SHOW your love for H. Unconditional love is the hardest thing to turn down, runaway from in the world. So keep doing what you're doing.
