my infedility, pls help

[~Sol]

thank you r,

I still have some "issues" to work out that will take a long time. It hasn't been easy, and there are times I still feel like giving up. It's weird, but I don't fully trust my W 100% like I did before the A. I'm not sure I ever will. Just realize that about your H.

We still have our "fights", and they get me down and I start to panic again. Tonight W surprised me by coming home on her lunch break and ate here. It's a nice gesture, and I'm glad she's letting me know in her own way that I'm more important than her "friends". I did not expect her to show up as I made it clear that I was upset about her recent verbal attack on me over the phone earlier. I'm still upset about it, and to me it is a big deal as I see it as verbal abuse, something I have tolerated from her over the years. Well, all I can say is that I felt better about this gesture, and I am trying hard to trust her again. I think she wants me to see that I can earn her trust by seeing that I matter to her, but I am more receptive to her now than I was in the past few months.

I still have my "moments" when I get depressed about the whole thing, but that's when I need to start looking at the positives. Just do the same, try to build more positives than negatives, but without coming on as pushing yourself or clinging on to him. You kind of know when you are being "pushy", just do less of that.

Well, all I wanted to do with my W was hold her, and I wanted to kiss her (a lot) but she was eating, plus I was sleepy. It felt weird since she has been gone a week (on that trip) and now it's like she's getting back on track. A lot has happened since (with her), and I can't help but wonder. But see, that's where I make mistakes and start assuming. It's hard to fight it, and I know my W is trying. It's all about earning your H's trust back. You have to earn it, it will take time.