It's good to hear about your D's. Don't beat yourself up over this. And don't hate yourself, just acknowledge you made a big mistake, and begin to forgive yourself. I wish my W showed as much remorse as you, but unfortunately her "friend" is still in the picture, so I have to struggle with that. Rainbow has some solid advice, read over it.
I am finding out that any little or big argument I have with my W tends to get me upset enough to make me think about the A, and it boils my blood. I don't lash out at her about it, since it usually blows up in my face and I am back to square one in a heartbeat, and trying to get back on track in a day or two makes it really tough.
I also realize that it will take about a year for me to be at ease about the whole thing, but the pain will be gone. It will take a long time for your H. Just be patient, continue to SHOW him that you love him. THAT is so important. I still need my W to SHOW me she loves me after she flips her lid at times, just so I can gain the confidence I had before her blow up. But it also helps to build new trust and confidence in me. Keep reassuring, and do it in different ways.
~Sol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Single Dad, and luvin it! ~ Happiness is a state of mind ~
