i decided to email today since i could not reply to you on the boards. dont know why, it just says: read only previledge.
hey i could post already. maybe my connection was just down.
my H sent messages (sms) to me last night, while i was on duty.
it goes:
"Words cant express how deeply i'm HURT by what youve done to me. with all d LIES, DECEIT and BETRAYAL, after all the SACRIFICE ive dOne for YOU and d KIDS and thats what you gave me in return. i dont even knOw what to think of you anymore. im so SCARED of YOU. i can.t imagine youre capable of dOing those SHAMEFUL & DISGUSTING things. i lost all my DREAMS for US and the KIDS. im so confused & scared & i dOnt knOw what to do. im so tired of this LIFE.....
i cried as i read his message. if only i could turn back the time. i would not have done the things that would cause him pain even if im hurting during the M. i regret not doing anything to prevent the A from happening.
at home that night, he woke me from sleep to "talk" again. as i expected, hurtful words are uttered. called me names. i told him i could accept everything he says if it eases the pain even if only a bit. H told me i stabbed him very deeply in his heart. i cried as i'm crying now just recalling and typing everything in here.
i want to give up the M already, maybe that would make him happy and give him back his life before he met me. it hurts me so much that i caused him pain.
God bless you, for the time you spared for me on the board. im very thankful that somebody is there to read/listen. you have a kind heart, it shows in your advises.
Hope you won't get tired on me. _______________________________________
