Quoting R: H doesn't tell me to leave, but keeps telling me that he can't accept me anymore. If I leave for sure he won't let me bring the children along. CRIED AGAIN. I just hope and pray that I'd make the right decision this time.
Hi there,
Welcome to the boards.
What you say here above is very important. Your H isn't asking you to leave. So DO NOT LEAVE. Do not initiate any conversations that focus on this issue for now. Focus on asking for forgiveness, and showing love to your H even though it's going to be like loving an aligator!
Keep in mind that your H is hurting like everyone else says, so he's going to say some nasty, nasty things to you. You're going to have to be patient and apologize and ASK FOR HIS FORGIVENESS. Look into his eyes when you do this.
Give him some loving space maybe. And the reassurances are key. He's also going to go through some ups and downs and the healing is going to take a while...months and maybe even a year for COMPLETE healing. I know because my exH cheated on me and even though we're now D, it took me a long time to heal from it. So healing is possible...time will work it's magic.
In the meantime, you will have to be the perfect W as H will insist on blaming and finding fault and such for a while. Just reassure him and ask for his forgiveness.
Also, tell us more about the day to day at your house. You said that your H has been unloving to you in some ways over the years.....That is only going to get worse for a while until the storm is averted.
Have you read Divorce Remedy already?
Also, I would advise you (if you're comfortable) to start journaling on the boards or in your own diary the childhood abuse and such you faced. Since you're not seeing a therapist right now, use whatever sources like this board or a trustworthy friend to vent/talk about your past and all that buried hurt....
