Long Distance Piecing

[DebinDenver]

On New Years Day, my H calls @ 1 AM and we talk for 3 hours. This is the 2nd phone conversation we have had since he has been gone. So, I think we are piecing long distance. He wanted to know if I would come visit him and we even talked about where we might move to.

It was a very emotional conversation. He said he was bearing his soul. He told me some things that I had suspected (like his drinking problem & depression). It was a real in-depth conversation - I was reciting the 12 steps to him & he was interested.

He asked me why I didn't divorce him. I told him that I wanted to talk with him about why he left. He said the divorce was "supposed" to have happened. But, since it didn't, it seems as if he wants to continue on with the marriage.

So, why am I so unhappy about all this??? At first I was thrilled and then I think I started to see just how much work this is going to take.

It just seems like I have come so far on my own (which also involved a lot of work) & now he wants back in (which will involved even more work). I am afraid to admit that I feel like I want out. Just feel drained and tired of it all. (I have not told him this, but I'm afraid he can sense it). Is this a typical reaction??

I know that when the walk-away comes back around, it raises lots of issues for the other spouse. Just feels like it's so hard to want to have him back now - what if it happens again??? What if he walks away again??

I could use some counseling, but my counselor gave up on me long ago. I know I should call DBers.

Thanks in advance for any advice.

Deb