things are moving along but i still don't know the destination.... he seems to be enjoying the time spent with me and the kids... I have realized that i don't like wednesdays any more than sundays....wednesday mornings when h leaves for work I never know if he'll be back that night or not, the case has been that he will not but usually waits till the afternoon to tell me so...I don't like it but guess accepting that he will not come is best. I just look forward to the day that there will be no question as to wether or not he will come over he will just live here. this is tiresome and i wish he would just come home for real but I can't rush it.
last night was nice but after a while I started to have the questioning thoughts of was his ea a pa at any point.... i did not say anything to h about it and thankfully had eaten chili for dinner so my discomfort was attributed to indigestion as opposed to the questions in my head.
I wonder when the questions in my head about it will cease. I already know the worst and that is that he was spending way too much time with her and "thought" he was/is in love with her.. so if he was getting down with her that is just icing on the cake of hurt... will i ever know the truth... or as another pointed out... maybe i already do... despite the fact that he wanted to act he didn't. most of the time i believe this to be true... but the fact that h is now a sex machine makes me wonder... but there is the possibility that his desire to be physical (w her) woke up that part of him and now I am the one he has desire for and is acting on it with. so today will be an uneasy day for me... waiting to know if he's comming or not. I suppose if he isn't it may not be such a bad thing... if i can keep myself away from the puter tonight and do some reading and make it an early night. LL
