I am so happy for you. It sure is hard for me to imagine such a turn-around in my situation...especially when everyone else in my world (other than here) sees no hope, but there you are! I know it's still a roller coaster for you, but hopefully those dips won't be as far down as they have been. I'll keep following you, and hope to learn by your wisdom - it has obviously served you well!
steph the road is paved with detachment.... was the only way for me.... h realized he would be saying goodbye to me and couldn't.
h is learning to say the right thing... it's funny though... h calls on his way home in traffic (drag) says "i heard there's a good frasier on tonight" i say oh, he says you wanna watch it? with me??
we are having fun, i just hope that h comes home soon and this is not all an illusion. LL
Hey...I say enjoy it either way! If it is an illusion (probably NOT), then you have some time to enjoy your husband's company a bit longer...if not, you get to enjoy for ever . But the idea is not only detacm=hment but also not to have ANY expectations. If you have no expectations, then every little step comes as a pleasant surprise!
Glad to hear that your H is trying to come home. That is what you feel, right? Then, enjoy the mood. I really think you are on your way to success, but just have to be patient.
Remember all of the good qualities you have and changes you made? Make sure that they are permanent, as they made you a better woman. Your H saw that, and in his mind he is testing you to some extent. But, we all know you will make it. Your M would be a better and stronger one. He just wanted to make sure as well.
Act as if he is trying to come home. I think that is a fair statement.
Very best luck to you for the Fraser show (I didn't know you guys would actually enjoy that; I thought I was the only few dorks around town...)
BTW, I was detached...and things were going well. Became reattached...moved too fast, expected too much too soon, and look at what happened...this is going in the solution journal under do nots
Happy that things are going well. Hope to see you on Saturday. If not give me a call maybe we can do lunch or something if you can get away from the new beau!
LL, so happy to hear things are going smooth. You are an inspiration to those of us who are at the beginning of the seperation.You sound like you know what you want and need, the secret is to keep it up, even if h does come home. All these different paths we are on will probably never end, but keep getting better and easier. Good luck Sue
things are moving along but i still don't know the destination.... he seems to be enjoying the time spent with me and the kids... I have realized that i don't like wednesdays any more than sundays....wednesday mornings when h leaves for work I never know if he'll be back that night or not, the case has been that he will not but usually waits till the afternoon to tell me so...I don't like it but guess accepting that he will not come is best. I just look forward to the day that there will be no question as to wether or not he will come over he will just live here. this is tiresome and i wish he would just come home for real but I can't rush it.
last night was nice but after a while I started to have the questioning thoughts of was his ea a pa at any point.... i did not say anything to h about it and thankfully had eaten chili for dinner so my discomfort was attributed to indigestion as opposed to the questions in my head.
I wonder when the questions in my head about it will cease. I already know the worst and that is that he was spending way too much time with her and "thought" he was/is in love with her.. so if he was getting down with her that is just icing on the cake of hurt... will i ever know the truth... or as another pointed out... maybe i already do... despite the fact that he wanted to act he didn't. most of the time i believe this to be true... but the fact that h is now a sex machine makes me wonder... but there is the possibility that his desire to be physical (w her) woke up that part of him and now I am the one he has desire for and is acting on it with. so today will be an uneasy day for me... waiting to know if he's comming or not. I suppose if he isn't it may not be such a bad thing... if i can keep myself away from the puter tonight and do some reading and make it an early night. LL
You sound great, and things sound as if they are going great for you. Just be careful not to let your mind get in the way of your success...
I have a thought about him not coming home on Wednesdays and Sundays. You've pointed out that it now seems to be only these two days, and you seem to be pretty well in acceptance of that (that doesn't mean you like it, but you've let it go, mostly).
Why not try a little "act as if" about this? Act as if he has a job that keeps him out all night on Wednesdays and Sundays.... Like he's on call, or he's a cop, or a fireman, or one of the other jobs that "doesn't sleep". Heck, lots of people have to deal with this. Maybe you could do it that way for a little while.
Just a thought, motivated by an observation you've already made. You've already noticed how he can seem to be drawn in when you drop you expectation. Now, maybe you could drop all expectations that he will be around on Wednesdays and Sundays. By dropping those expectations, you might begin doing things as part of YOUR routine that will draw him in on those nights, too. If not, you will still have things just for you on those nights, so it's win-win!!!
Keep up the good work. I'm filled with admiration of your progress!!!
. But the idea is not only detacm=hment but also not to have ANY expectations. If you have no expectations, then every little step comes as a pleasant surprise!