don't know how i feel today, date was ok, sometimes it was fun and I felt like we were actually together and then other times I felt like we were just there. oh well..... h is outside with son cleaning up the leaves... I am going to church and maybe to a store just to get away, I will do my best to keep the mindframe that I can do this and be able to come home unlike last week. it will be hard though cause like last week h is going off to his buddies to watch the game only diff is the game is at 4 instead of 1 so he can hang around a bit to get stuff done.... but then it's off to be a child, I say that cause i know he will drink and then stay at his little "hole in the wall" appartment and not come home... starting to wonder if I even care... h is still unsure if he ever will come home.... instead of starting to leave some stuff here, he takes it all with him and actually took a shirt out of the closet (he didn't take his going out clothes just his work stuff when he "moved out") and it's now in his bag... that bothers me... it's like he's slowly moving out instead of slowly moving in...
whatever though.. I already know what it's like to not have him in MY life so if he leaves so be it... just wish he would make up his damn mind about what he wants. but maybe he never will and i will have to make up my mind if I want to live this way or not. LL
